Exciting times

I don't have much time at all to write (so I'll have to update my daily mileage the next time), but I wanted to write about today's run, because it was a huge step for me.

Because of my weight, I have been alternating running/walking in my mileage for years and years now. It has helped keep me injury-free (knock on every wood surface available) and will be key in doing a marathon. But today -- rainy but warm enough to go outside in a T-shirt and hat instead of layers and a muffler -- I decided to see how far I could run straight. One lap? I did it and felt great. OK, let's try two. Still feel good. Three? Yep. And by golly, I did four, meaning I was able to run a mile straight, which hasn't been the case in what feels like forever. It meant so much to me. I felt almost as glorious as I felt back in 2004/05 when I ran a mile for the first time in my life.

Some other fun milestones:

I did nine miles on Saturday -- mostly walking b/c the roads were still icy, but still ... nine!

I don't know the exact number off-hand, but I've gone more than 130 days now walking/jogging at least one mile!

And the weight is still going down. Slowly but it's moving. I'm almost at my lowest weight in two years. The next goal will be my pre-D.C. weight.

Onward!

Still plugging along

I have been so negligent about writing in February! I wish I had time to truly update this blog, but it's a hectic time, and I'm juggling so much work and so many projects I can barely come up for air.

But.

But I'm still walking/jogging, though less jogging in the past two weeks. I must get re-focused as there are some key dates coming in March: registration for the MCM (!) and the 11-mile race that, if I finish, means I'm automatically in the MCM and don't need to rely on good luck (it's a lottery system for getting in the marathon). Both events mean I must seriously get my mind back in the game.

It's only been about halfway in the game these past few weeks. The streak continues, but with not as much heart as before. And my eating is hit or miss, with more misses than I'm comfortable with. But if I'm proud about anything, it's that I haven't allowed the bitter cold weather to stop me from completing my long distances. Last weekend, faced with doing 8 miles either on Friday (sunny but a "feels like 4 degrees") or Saturday (warmer, in the low 30s, but snow), I took my chances on Friday. I was out there a long time (not only did I do 8 miles, I did it on the very hilly Custis Trail) and it took forever to warm back up, but boy did I feel proud. Today was only 6 miles, and a little warmer, and while I was utterly exhausted from a busy week, I'm able to check that off, too.

Here's where I stand in my training. (Yes, there ARE more 1-milers than I'd like....) But this makes 123 days in a row!

252 days until the MCM: Walked 1 mile 

251 days until the MCM: Walked 1 mile 

250 days until the MCM: Walked 1 mile 

249 days until the MCM: Walked 1 mile 

248 days until the MCM: Walked/jogged 8 miles 

247 days until the MCM: Walked 1 mile  

246 days until the MCM: Walked 1 mile 

245 days until the MCM: Walked 1 mile 

244 days until the MCM:Walked 2 miles 

243 days until the MCM:  Walked 1.5 miles

242 days until the MCM: Walked 1.5 miles 

241 days until the MCM:  Walked 1 + 1 miles

240 days until the MCM: Walked 6 miles 

The fall

It's been a hellava week. 

It started well. I was thrilled when, on Saturday, I ran/walked 7 miles and then went for a 4-mile walk with friends. 11 miles! I was certainly hurting in the end, but it felt so great. I spent the night stretching and stretching and prepping for another great week.

But that week threw me some curveballs.

First, I was in a lot of pain all week. Not the bad pain -- it was just a deep, deep ache in my legs. The kind that screamed to me "YOU NEED TO TAKE A BREAK!" So I did. Most days I only walked 1 mile. And, really, I strolled those 1-milers. But the aches continued.

I worked some long, hard days on the job, and by Thursday, I was just done. So tired. Plum worn out. When I weighed in Thursday morning, I was furious when I stepped on the scale and saw a weekly loss of less than a pound. Why oh why was it taking so long? Why was it so hard? Why, when I was doing everything right, was the weight not coming off faster?

So I was sad on Thursday. Frustrated. And on Thursday night, I ate more than I should have. Not much more, but more. About 400 calories more than normal (total of 2,000). The next day? A 1-pound weight gain. Because, of course.

(I must note here that I passed up loads of free pizza in the newsroom on Thursday, plus cupcakes, plus giant sugar heart cookies at my apartment building.)

Thursday night brought the news about David Carr's sudden death -- he was an NYT columnist I have admired for years and always wanted to meet -- and then news of the death of a former colleague. I spent nearly the entire day on Friday in bed. I was in a deep, dark hole. Still, at night, I crawled out of bed and made myself do 1 mile on the treadmill downstairs. Saturday was Valentine's Day, and while I try not to care, I felt buried in loneliness. By the grace of God, I found myself outside on Saturday afternoon and was able to walk 6 miles. It took just about everything in me to get it done. Not much running at all.

And then today. I ate. Nothing "bad" but too much of the snacks I usually allow myself in moderation. It was a big fall. 

As of today, it's been 110 days of walking/running straight. I haven't broken the streak. But I have definitely fallen. The walks have been torturous. I have little desire to work harder. I'm not excited about the progress I've made. I don't see a change in how I look. I don't want to eat just 1,200-1,400 calories. I fear I will never, ever get where I need to be.

But I will try to refocus tomorrow and hope, hope I can get back on track. These are some crucial days ahead. Will I keep falling or will I bounce back and stride ahead?

261 days until the MCM: Walked 7 + 4 miles 

260 days until the MCM: Walked 2 miles 

259 days until the MCM: Walked 1 mile 

258 days until the MCM: Walked 1 mile 

257 days until the MCM: Walked 1 mile 

256 days until the MCM: Walked 2 miles

255 days until the MCM: Walked 1 mile 

254 days until the MCM: Walked 6 miles 

253 days until the MCM: Walked 1 mile 

100 days! (Well, actually, 101)

A lot of little things to report, all which add up to a big thing for me: I believe I'm making solid progress now.

The scale: I still find myself beyond frustrated with the number on the scale. For someone who is working so hard and eating so well and drinking soooo much water, the scale is not responding. I lost about 1 pound this week. I've been trying to be patient and tell myself that one day the scale will show a big drop to make up for all of these drips, so when I stepped on this week and saw another drip, I sank into a funk. That was, until I decided to focus on the number that really matters …

The important number: 101. That's the number of days in a row I've walked/jogged. It's mind-boggling to think I've made it this far. But it feels really, really great. I think about those days when a walk seemed impossible, but I did it anyhow. And then I think about some recent walk/jogs of mine when I haven't wanted to stop because I was enjoying it so much. A scheduled 2-miler turned into a 3-miler a few times. That's really the progress I need to focus on.

Another milestone number: I was excited Tuesday morning when I had a breakthrough in my running. You see, I've been trying to go longer and longer, but I haven't been monitoring my speed much, and that's something that will become increasingly important as the MCM gets closer. To complete the marathon, and not get picked up by the sag bus, I need to maintain a 15-minute mile. So far, on average, I'm nowhere near that in my small walk/runs. But on Tuesday, Mile 2 took 15 minutes. (Because I only walk, not walk/jog, the first 0.5 mile and last 0.5 mile, my overall pace was 16 minutes.) I was thrilled. It was just one mile, but it showed that I can do a 15-minute mile. It may sound like a minor goal, but it was/is huge to me. (Side note: I did 3.1 miles in about 50 minutes. When I checked my 5Ks from last year, they were all around 52 minutes. More progress!)

And another: This summer, I discovered that a crucial number -- one I never had a problem with, even when I was at my heaviest -- was way too high. My blood pressure was consistently bad. Each week, I'd see 150/100 or 140/90 or some variation of those numbers. Hypertensive, the guidelines told me. When I had my annual physical in November, my doctor told me that if the number didn't go down in four months, she'd have to put me on medication. I told her I didn't want to take another pill. And she said, well, if it doesn't go down and you don't take the medication, you're doing irreversible damage to your heart. I had already been walking/dieting for about a month at that point and was bummed to see that my BP hadn't changed much at all. I worried that stress was more of a factor than my weight, and I had no idea how to reduce that at work. I'm supposed to check in with her in mid-March but because I had no idea where I was with regard to my BP, I had the nurse at work check it. I was thrilled to hear her reading: 136/82. Pre-hypertensive: Progress!

The clothes effect: I still don't see a huge difference in the clothes I wear -- OK, mostly in the jeans I wear, which I swear look and feel the same -- but there have been some moments this week when I started to feel a difference. I was wearing a pair of black pants at work the other day and put my hands in my pockets, only to discover a few minutes later that I had pulled the pants down over my hips and they were somewhat in danger of falling off! I hiked ’em back up and kept my hands out of the pockets, but man did that feel good. I also ordered some clothes this week: three sweater dresses and a pajama set. I ordered the sweater dresses in a size smaller than normal and the pajamas in my current size (because, comfort). The dresses fit! The pajamas are big! Oo-rah!

The attitude: I'm feeling good. I have days when I want to throw the scale out the window, but never the progress. On Monday, I was walking on the treadmill at work after a really bad day and I came across an ad in Runner's World magazine for the MCM. I immediately broke out into a silly grin. I don't think I've ever felt as excited about anything as I am about this. (Well, maybe journalism, back in the day.) The ad is now taped to my wall. Here's a photo of me grinning like a fool at the gym:

277 days until the MCM: Walked 1 mile 
276 days until the MCM: Walked 6 miles 
275 days until the MCM: Walked 1 miles 
274 days until the MCM: Walked 3 + 2 miles 
273 days until the MCM: Walked 2 miles 
272 days until the MCM: Walked 2 miles 
271 days until the MCM: Walked 3 miles 
270 days until the MCM: Walked 1 mile 
269 days until the MCM: Walked 2 miles 
268 days until the MCM: Walked 6 miles 
267 days until the MCM: Walked 2 miles 
266 days until the MCM: Walked 1 mile 
265 days until the MCM: Walked 3 miles 
264 days until the MCM: Walked 3 miles 
263 days until the MCM: Walked 2 miles 
262 days until the MCM: Walked 2 miles 

Fun, fear and frustration

The fun
I'm really pumping up the workouts, adding much more jogging and strength training. I'm working out, on average, about an hour a day. Every day. Still! We're at 85 days straight!

What's been most fun has been getting back, slowly, to who I was before. The added jogging has been glorious: It makes me feel great to go a little longer every day and to see growth. And my laundry consists mostly of workout clothes, which makes me smile as I'm folding. It sounds silly, but it's huge in my world.


The fear
The added jogging renews that fear that I will get hurt. I've had shin splints lately at the starts of my walks and occasional knee discomfort after. The added strength training will help, I hope; I'm doing specific exercises to strengthen my hips and legs, though I also need to add the dreaded foam roller to loosen up my muscles. But I also need to listen to my body and not push it. Today, for instance, I think I will do only a mile, even though I've enjoyed this string of 2-milers a lot. But I want to feel good during my long walk/jog on Friday or Saturday and to do that I need to give my legs a rest. 

I just know an injury could really set me back, and it's my big fear.

The frustration
The reality is, I know that 1-2 pounds of weight-loss a week is ideal. But I still get utterly frustrated at the scale. Working out an hour a day, stepping up the workouts, eating great, always under 1,600 calories, drinking tons and tons of water, you'd think would translate to a little more of a loss. Sometimes I worry that I'm eating too few calories, sometimes I worry I'm eating too much. It's such a mystery to me, even after all these years. (Or should I say, especially after all these years.)

But I am proud of myself. Not only for sticking with it but for keeping a positive attitude when it comes to imagining myself at that MCM finish line. I KNOW it will happen. I am confident that I can do this. I understand the steps it will take to get there, and every day is a step closer. I think about that when I'm exercising. Yesterday, I upped my jogging intervals to 2 minutes, from 1:30, and all I think during those 2 minutes is that this push is what I need to get there. It reminds me of the days of me running 15-20 miles during my last MCM training. Toward the end, around 18 miles, I'd be super tired but I'd push myself by thinking "These are the miles that matter the most. You have to conquer them to move forward." And while 2 minutes of jogging versus 20 miles is a big difference, I keep the same attitude.

Onward!

293 days until the MCM: Walked 2 miles
292 days until the MCM: Walked 2 miles
291 days until the MCM: Walked 2 miles
290 days until the MCM: Walked 2 miles
289 days until the MCM: Walked 6 miles w/jogging
288 days until the MCM: Walked 2 miles
287 days until the MCM: Walked 1 mile
286 days until the MCM: Walked 2 miles
285 days until the MCM: Walked 2 miles
284 days until the MCM: Walked 2 miles w/jogging
283 days until the MCM: Walked 2 + 2 miles
282 days until the MCM: Walked 6 miles w/jogging
281 days until the MCM: Walked 1 miles
280 days until the MCM: Walked 3 miles
279 days until the MCM: Walked 2 miles w/jogging
278 days until the MCM: Walked 2 miles w/jogging

A milestone

When I decided to attempt to walk every day, as a primer for MCM training, I made up a list of days to keep track of my progress. I started with "362," which is how many days there were until the marathon. And I typed in six lines of numbers, ending with "291." I didn't want to type out a complete list -- all the way to "1 day till the MCM!" -- because when I've done such planning in my past, I would never make it all the way through and then I'd feel bad seeing a big, blank, failure-to-achieve calendar.

So I started off with 72 days.

And last week, I completed those 72 days! Here is the proof:

On Friday, I began a second set of 72 days, and so far, so good. I even completed 6 very hilly miles on Saturday in 20-degree temps. Bundled up in two layers of pants, two shirts, a fleece jacket, two sets of gloves and an ear band, I actually felt pretty good out there. And the sun was shining the whole time, so that was a huge bonus.

I've made it through the week back on track with my eating, and my weight is back down to the pre-Christmas number. It's a shame I lost three weeks of potential progress, but I'm moving ahead, not looking back.

The good, the bad and the new year

So sorry for the delay in writing -- the holidays, as you'll soon read, threw me for a loop. Once I was off my routine, things got ... hard.

But let's start with the GOOD.

I am still on a streak -- it has now been 69 days straight of walking. There were times during the four-day weekend and then the following three-day weekend when I didn't want to leave the apartment. Or I wanted to just go watch movies all day. Instead, I got in a mile in between a double feature on Christmas Eve, and then on Christmas Day, I walked the 1.5 miles to the theater. Then there were days in the last week of December when I worked till 11 or 11:30 p.m. three nights in a row -- but still managed to get in a mile afterward (once, in order to not miss the last train, I had to actually walk at midnight in my apartment gym).

My legs have been super tired recently. The good tired but still tired. There was one day (my scheduled Saturday long walk) when I had to scale back. I was scheduled to go 6 miles but I went 1 instead because I was having leg/knee pain. I don't want to screw this up, so I made myself cut back. But I'm feeling better and now trying to make my minimum walks either 1.5 or 2 miles instead of 1. There will likely be days I can do only 1, but I'm trying to make a conscious effort to walk longer when I can.

I've also started incorporating some strength training. It's been slow, but I'm trying to add one new exercise a day. I've got to build up strength in my legs (and eventually core) to help with the running and to help avoid injury.

OK, I know you're dying to hear the BAD. Schadenfreude and all.

I cracked. I fell off the wagon. I "cheated." However you want to put it. And it wasn't for just a day but for 10 days. It started on Christmas, when I had no idea what to eat for dinner and didn't want a frozen meal, so I defrosted a small baked rigatoni I had made in November. Eating all that pasta started the slide  -- I then ordered some churro bites at the movie theater (they had fewer calories than most stuff, but it started the sugar slide). 

Actually, now that I think about it, it started Christmas Eve. I stepped on the scale and I had gained. And I got mad. So I had hot dogs at dinner at the movie theater, which while in my calorie range were chock-full of sodium. Which made the scale go higher. Which made me say screw it, let's eat the rigatoni.

The day after Christmas, I got a "sharable" pizza from Cosi. And -- the most shameful thing -- I ate a box of chocolates. I had purchased it for my concierge for Christmas, but he had apparently taken the week off. And once I started thinking of those chocolates, I couldn't stop thinking of them. (Believe me, I'm sure this all will be a major part of therapy this week -- I haven't been for three weeks because of the holidays.) After that binge, it was just little things here and there -- two cookies at work, another two cookies at work, Chipotle with chips, gelato and, on Saturday, my last day of poor eating, a frozen pizza and cookies. It's insanely embarrassing to list these things, but I know it's important for me to move on. And, honestly, I know what drove a lot of it: I was mad at the scale and my lack of progress. I was alone. I was sad. And I started feeling frustrated that everyone else around me was eating all these great, rich foods and I wasn't. And once I slipped, I couldn't stop. It was like "This is my one chance! I've got to eat what I can!" Horrible.

But now for the NEW YEAR. 

Oddly (but very happily), I have not been beating myself up over the poor eating. Yes, I gained weight. Yes, I stopped a dieting streak that was nearly as long as the walking one. But it's done. And I refuse to allow that slip-up to stop this journey of mine. I want to do the Marine Corps Marathon. I want to run again. I want to wear a cute winter coat and scarf without sweating underneath because of my weight. 

So onward. 

308 days until the MCM: Walked 1 mile
307 days until the MCM: Walked 1 mile
306 days until the MCM: Walked 1 mile
305 days until the MCM: Walked 1.5 miles
304 days until the MCM: Walked 1.5 miles
303 days until the MCM: Walked 6 miles (with 8 bursts of jogging)
302 days until the MCM: Walked 1 mile
301 days until the MCM: Walked 1 mile
300 days until the MCM: Walked 1.5 miles
299 days until the MCM: Walked 2 miles
298 days until the MCM: Walked 3 miles
297 days until the MCM: Walked 1 mile
296 days until the MCM: Walked 1 mile
295 days until the MCM: Walked 2 miles
294 days until the MCM: Walked 2 miles

More white knuckles

Gosh what a horrible time of year to be dieting.

Last week was a bit rough: On Thursday, I sat by myself as my co-workers enjoyed their own personal pizzas from &Pizza (smelled.so.good.) and then participated in a cookie exchange. I sat and ate my salad in silence, but man was it hard. At one point, a very sweet co-worker quickly slid a plate of cookies on my desk, and I only looked at those delicious specimens briefly before I had to tell him thanks, but I just can't.

The next day was a friend's birthday party, with more cookies, candy, chips and pizza. I had two Diet Cokes and then went home to eat my Lean Cuisine pizza.

I thought I was being rewarded for my will power when I stepped on the scale and saw the goal I had hoped to reach by Christmas. Was super happy. But that number has since gone up a pound. I've done nothing to deserve the extra pound so I'm trying not to let it upset me. THIS is why you should only weigh yourself once a week.

My walk/jog on Saturday was quite nice -- I felt more comfortable with the 5 miles and jogged 8 brief bursts. I'm at 54 (!) straight days of walking.

But I admit to being worried about this week. Being alone on Christmas (and still not knowing what to eat; I really don't want a Lean Cuisine) is a scary thing for me. I need to keep the focus and not give in to the temptation of "It's CHRISTMAS. I should be able to eat Chinese food!"

Hoping the momentum keeps me going. I'm down about 20 pounds from two months ago, though I look ever the same. Every time I think I look pretty in a new dress, by the end of the day, I feel as big and horrible as ever.

I'm not trying to be a downer -- just saying that despite the great momentum, walking and dieting, sometimes it just sucks to be dieting during the holidays and feeling more alone and separated than ever.

But onward. It won't be long before Jan. 1 hits and many others are in a similar boat.

316 days until the MCM: Walked 1.5 miles
315 days until the MCM: Walked 2 miles
314 days until the MCM: Walked 3 miles
313 days until the MCM: Walked 2 miles
312 days until the MCM: Walked 1 mile
311 days until the MCM: Walked 1.5 miles
310 days until the MCM: Walked 5 miles (with 8 bursts of jogging)
309 days until the MCM: Walked 1.5 miles

White-knuckling it

So, funny thing.

Very shortly after that last post, I got sick. The whole running nose, sore throat, congestion, miserable feeling. I was so mad. I had worked so hard to keep myself healthy and here I was sick -- again. I truly worried about how it was going to affect my walking streak, and my diet momentum.

Not gonna lie: It's been a white-knuckle week. So many days I did not want to walk. Even today: I was supposed to do five miles, and by 2 p.m. I was just dragging. All I wanted to do was sleep. And I've found it harder to resist the so-freakin-many temptations all around me. The grocery store trip alone was torturous. Candy and cookies and cakes everywhere.

But. I managed to walk (albeit most days only 1 mile) with intention every day. And I've kept myself under 1,600 calories. It really hasn't been easy. And because it hasn't been easy, I've been much less confident that I can do this. The next two weeks will be an obstacle course around bad foods -- and around the bad neighborhood in my mind that pops up when I'm by myself for the holidays.

But right now, at this moment, I'm still able to say I've walked 46 days in a row and haven't given in to temptations. I pray I can ride this momentum through the rough patches ahead.

323 days until the MCM: Walked 1 mile
322 days until the MCM: Walked 1 mile
321 days until the MCM: Walked 1 mile
320 days until the MCM: Walked 1 mile
319 days until the MCM: Walked 1.5 miles
318 days until the MCM: Walked 1 mile
317 days until the MCM: Walked 5 miles (with six small bursts of jogging)

39 days straight!

I don't think I've ever done anything for 39 days straight. Except, you know, breathe and eat and sleep.

I am beyond grateful that I have remained healthy enough to walk and that my legs are still taking me places. One of my fears is getting sick or injured and having a setback too soon into this goal of mine. I thank God for getting me this far. I've had tired legs many nights, but I think that is easing.

I'm also, remarkably, doing well on the eating front, staying under 1,600 calories a day for more than a month. This is mega progress for me. I just hope the momentum propels me during these oh-so-hard holiday months coming up. 

I bought new running shoes yesterday, which thrilled me. Just being in a running store, being fitted, running on the treadmill, talking about my goal -- it felt great. And so far, so good on the shoes. They were just fine on today's 5-plus-mile walk/jog.

Yes, I said jog! This is SO minor but it's progress. I want to incorporate small bits of jogging into some of my walks this month. Because I was doing 5 miles today for the first time in forever + using new shoes, I didn't want to do too much. So I waited until the last mile and then did four 1-minute bursts. It. Felt. So. Good. 

This week, though, has had its challenges. My stress level was high, my hours of sleep were too few, and I've been frustrated by so many things. Maybe that's actually why I'm doing well with the walking -- it has given me at least ONE thing I have had control over. Which is another reason I pray I don't get hurt.

331 days until the MCM: Walked 4 miles
330 days until the MCM: Walked 1.5 miles
329 days until the MCM: Walked 1 mile
328 days until the MCM: Walked 1 mile
327 days until the MCM: Walked 1 mile
326 days until the MCM: Walked 2 miles
325 days until the MCM: Walked 2 miles
324 days until the MCM: Walked 5+ miles