The fun
I'm really pumping up the workouts, adding much more jogging and strength training. I'm working out, on average, about an hour a day. Every day. Still! We're at 85 days straight!
What's been most fun has been getting back, slowly, to who I was before. The added jogging has been glorious: It makes me feel great to go a little longer every day and to see growth. And my laundry consists mostly of workout clothes, which makes me smile as I'm folding. It sounds silly, but it's huge in my world.
The fear
The added jogging renews that fear that I will get hurt. I've had shin splints lately at the starts of my walks and occasional knee discomfort after. The added strength training will help, I hope; I'm doing specific exercises to strengthen my hips and legs, though I also need to add the dreaded foam roller to loosen up my muscles. But I also need to listen to my body and not push it. Today, for instance, I think I will do only a mile, even though I've enjoyed this string of 2-milers a lot. But I want to feel good during my long walk/jog on Friday or Saturday and to do that I need to give my legs a rest.
I just know an injury could really set me back, and it's my big fear.
The frustration
The reality is, I know that 1-2 pounds of weight-loss a week is ideal. But I still get utterly frustrated at the scale. Working out an hour a day, stepping up the workouts, eating great, always under 1,600 calories, drinking tons and tons of water, you'd think would translate to a little more of a loss. Sometimes I worry that I'm eating too few calories, sometimes I worry I'm eating too much. It's such a mystery to me, even after all these years. (Or should I say, especially after all these years.)
But I am proud of myself. Not only for sticking with it but for keeping a positive attitude when it comes to imagining myself at that MCM finish line. I KNOW it will happen. I am confident that I can do this. I understand the steps it will take to get there, and every day is a step closer. I think about that when I'm exercising. Yesterday, I upped my jogging intervals to 2 minutes, from 1:30, and all I think during those 2 minutes is that this push is what I need to get there. It reminds me of the days of me running 15-20 miles during my last MCM training. Toward the end, around 18 miles, I'd be super tired but I'd push myself by thinking "These are the miles that matter the most. You have to conquer them to move forward." And while 2 minutes of jogging versus 20 miles is a big difference, I keep the same attitude.
Onward!
293 days until the MCM: Walked 2 miles
292 days until the MCM: Walked 2 miles
291 days until the MCM: Walked 2 miles
290 days until the MCM: Walked 2 miles
289 days until the MCM: Walked 6 miles w/jogging
288 days until the MCM: Walked 2 miles
287 days until the MCM: Walked 1 mile
286 days until the MCM: Walked 2 miles
285 days until the MCM: Walked 2 miles
284 days until the MCM: Walked 2 miles w/jogging
283 days until the MCM: Walked 2 + 2 miles
282 days until the MCM: Walked 6 miles w/jogging
281 days until the MCM: Walked 1 miles
280 days until the MCM: Walked 3 miles
279 days until the MCM: Walked 2 miles w/jogging
278 days until the MCM: Walked 2 miles w/jogging
Thursday, January 22, 2015
Sunday, January 11, 2015
A milestone
When I decided to attempt to walk every day, as a primer for MCM training, I made up a list of days to keep track of my progress. I started with "362," which is how many days there were until the marathon. And I typed in six lines of numbers, ending with "291." I didn't want to type out a complete list -- all the way to "1 day till the MCM!" -- because when I've done such planning in my past, I would never make it all the way through and then I'd feel bad seeing a big, blank, failure-to-achieve calendar.
So I started off with 72 days.
And last week, I completed those 72 days! Here is the proof:
On Friday, I began a second set of 72 days, and so far, so good. I even completed 6 very hilly miles on Saturday in 20-degree temps. Bundled up in two layers of pants, two shirts, a fleece jacket, two sets of gloves and an ear band, I actually felt pretty good out there. And the sun was shining the whole time, so that was a huge bonus.
I've made it through the week back on track with my eating, and my weight is back down to the pre-Christmas number. It's a shame I lost three weeks of potential progress, but I'm moving ahead, not looking back.
So I started off with 72 days.
And last week, I completed those 72 days! Here is the proof:
On Friday, I began a second set of 72 days, and so far, so good. I even completed 6 very hilly miles on Saturday in 20-degree temps. Bundled up in two layers of pants, two shirts, a fleece jacket, two sets of gloves and an ear band, I actually felt pretty good out there. And the sun was shining the whole time, so that was a huge bonus.
I've made it through the week back on track with my eating, and my weight is back down to the pre-Christmas number. It's a shame I lost three weeks of potential progress, but I'm moving ahead, not looking back.
Tuesday, January 6, 2015
The good, the bad and the new year
So sorry for the delay in writing -- the holidays, as you'll soon read, threw me for a loop. Once I was off my routine, things got ... hard.
But let's start with the GOOD.
I am still on a streak -- it has now been 69 days straight of walking. There were times during the four-day weekend and then the following three-day weekend when I didn't want to leave the apartment. Or I wanted to just go watch movies all day. Instead, I got in a mile in between a double feature on Christmas Eve, and then on Christmas Day, I walked the 1.5 miles to the theater. Then there were days in the last week of December when I worked till 11 or 11:30 p.m. three nights in a row -- but still managed to get in a mile afterward (once, in order to not miss the last train, I had to actually walk at midnight in my apartment gym).
My legs have been super tired recently. The good tired but still tired. There was one day (my scheduled Saturday long walk) when I had to scale back. I was scheduled to go 6 miles but I went 1 instead because I was having leg/knee pain. I don't want to screw this up, so I made myself cut back. But I'm feeling better and now trying to make my minimum walks either 1.5 or 2 miles instead of 1. There will likely be days I can do only 1, but I'm trying to make a conscious effort to walk longer when I can.
I've also started incorporating some strength training. It's been slow, but I'm trying to add one new exercise a day. I've got to build up strength in my legs (and eventually core) to help with the running and to help avoid injury.
OK, I know you're dying to hear the BAD. Schadenfreude and all.
I cracked. I fell off the wagon. I "cheated." However you want to put it. And it wasn't for just a day but for 10 days. It started on Christmas, when I had no idea what to eat for dinner and didn't want a frozen meal, so I defrosted a small baked rigatoni I had made in November. Eating all that pasta started the slide -- I then ordered some churro bites at the movie theater (they had fewer calories than most stuff, but it started the sugar slide).
Actually, now that I think about it, it started Christmas Eve. I stepped on the scale and I had gained. And I got mad. So I had hot dogs at dinner at the movie theater, which while in my calorie range were chock-full of sodium. Which made the scale go higher. Which made me say screw it, let's eat the rigatoni.
The day after Christmas, I got a "sharable" pizza from Cosi. And -- the most shameful thing -- I ate a box of chocolates. I had purchased it for my concierge for Christmas, but he had apparently taken the week off. And once I started thinking of those chocolates, I couldn't stop thinking of them. (Believe me, I'm sure this all will be a major part of therapy this week -- I haven't been for three weeks because of the holidays.) After that binge, it was just little things here and there -- two cookies at work, another two cookies at work, Chipotle with chips, gelato and, on Saturday, my last day of poor eating, a frozen pizza and cookies. It's insanely embarrassing to list these things, but I know it's important for me to move on. And, honestly, I know what drove a lot of it: I was mad at the scale and my lack of progress. I was alone. I was sad. And I started feeling frustrated that everyone else around me was eating all these great, rich foods and I wasn't. And once I slipped, I couldn't stop. It was like "This is my one chance! I've got to eat what I can!" Horrible.
But now for the NEW YEAR.
Oddly (but very happily), I have not been beating myself up over the poor eating. Yes, I gained weight. Yes, I stopped a dieting streak that was nearly as long as the walking one. But it's done. And I refuse to allow that slip-up to stop this journey of mine. I want to do the Marine Corps Marathon. I want to run again. I want to wear a cute winter coat and scarf without sweating underneath because of my weight.
So onward.
308 days until the MCM: Walked 1 mile
307 days until the MCM: Walked 1 mile
306 days until the MCM: Walked 1 mile
305 days until the MCM: Walked 1.5 miles
304 days until the MCM: Walked 1.5 miles
303 days until the MCM: Walked 6 miles (with 8 bursts of jogging)
302 days until the MCM: Walked 1 mile
301 days until the MCM: Walked 1 mile
300 days until the MCM: Walked 1.5 miles
299 days until the MCM: Walked 2 miles
298 days until the MCM: Walked 3 miles
297 days until the MCM: Walked 1 mile
296 days until the MCM: Walked 1 mile
295 days until the MCM: Walked 2 miles
294 days until the MCM: Walked 2 miles
But let's start with the GOOD.
I am still on a streak -- it has now been 69 days straight of walking. There were times during the four-day weekend and then the following three-day weekend when I didn't want to leave the apartment. Or I wanted to just go watch movies all day. Instead, I got in a mile in between a double feature on Christmas Eve, and then on Christmas Day, I walked the 1.5 miles to the theater. Then there were days in the last week of December when I worked till 11 or 11:30 p.m. three nights in a row -- but still managed to get in a mile afterward (once, in order to not miss the last train, I had to actually walk at midnight in my apartment gym).
My legs have been super tired recently. The good tired but still tired. There was one day (my scheduled Saturday long walk) when I had to scale back. I was scheduled to go 6 miles but I went 1 instead because I was having leg/knee pain. I don't want to screw this up, so I made myself cut back. But I'm feeling better and now trying to make my minimum walks either 1.5 or 2 miles instead of 1. There will likely be days I can do only 1, but I'm trying to make a conscious effort to walk longer when I can.
I've also started incorporating some strength training. It's been slow, but I'm trying to add one new exercise a day. I've got to build up strength in my legs (and eventually core) to help with the running and to help avoid injury.
OK, I know you're dying to hear the BAD. Schadenfreude and all.
I cracked. I fell off the wagon. I "cheated." However you want to put it. And it wasn't for just a day but for 10 days. It started on Christmas, when I had no idea what to eat for dinner and didn't want a frozen meal, so I defrosted a small baked rigatoni I had made in November. Eating all that pasta started the slide -- I then ordered some churro bites at the movie theater (they had fewer calories than most stuff, but it started the sugar slide).
Actually, now that I think about it, it started Christmas Eve. I stepped on the scale and I had gained. And I got mad. So I had hot dogs at dinner at the movie theater, which while in my calorie range were chock-full of sodium. Which made the scale go higher. Which made me say screw it, let's eat the rigatoni.
The day after Christmas, I got a "sharable" pizza from Cosi. And -- the most shameful thing -- I ate a box of chocolates. I had purchased it for my concierge for Christmas, but he had apparently taken the week off. And once I started thinking of those chocolates, I couldn't stop thinking of them. (Believe me, I'm sure this all will be a major part of therapy this week -- I haven't been for three weeks because of the holidays.) After that binge, it was just little things here and there -- two cookies at work, another two cookies at work, Chipotle with chips, gelato and, on Saturday, my last day of poor eating, a frozen pizza and cookies. It's insanely embarrassing to list these things, but I know it's important for me to move on. And, honestly, I know what drove a lot of it: I was mad at the scale and my lack of progress. I was alone. I was sad. And I started feeling frustrated that everyone else around me was eating all these great, rich foods and I wasn't. And once I slipped, I couldn't stop. It was like "This is my one chance! I've got to eat what I can!" Horrible.
But now for the NEW YEAR.
Oddly (but very happily), I have not been beating myself up over the poor eating. Yes, I gained weight. Yes, I stopped a dieting streak that was nearly as long as the walking one. But it's done. And I refuse to allow that slip-up to stop this journey of mine. I want to do the Marine Corps Marathon. I want to run again. I want to wear a cute winter coat and scarf without sweating underneath because of my weight.
So onward.
308 days until the MCM: Walked 1 mile
307 days until the MCM: Walked 1 mile
306 days until the MCM: Walked 1 mile
305 days until the MCM: Walked 1.5 miles
304 days until the MCM: Walked 1.5 miles
303 days until the MCM: Walked 6 miles (with 8 bursts of jogging)
302 days until the MCM: Walked 1 mile
301 days until the MCM: Walked 1 mile
300 days until the MCM: Walked 1.5 miles
299 days until the MCM: Walked 2 miles
298 days until the MCM: Walked 3 miles
297 days until the MCM: Walked 1 mile
296 days until the MCM: Walked 1 mile
295 days until the MCM: Walked 2 miles
294 days until the MCM: Walked 2 miles
Monday, December 22, 2014
More white knuckles
Gosh what a horrible time of year to be dieting.
Last week was a bit rough: On Thursday, I sat by myself as my co-workers enjoyed their own personal pizzas from &Pizza (smelled.so.good.) and then participated in a cookie exchange. I sat and ate my salad in silence, but man was it hard. At one point, a very sweet co-worker quickly slid a plate of cookies on my desk, and I only looked at those delicious specimens briefly before I had to tell him thanks, but I just can't.
The next day was a friend's birthday party, with more cookies, candy, chips and pizza. I had two Diet Cokes and then went home to eat my Lean Cuisine pizza.
I thought I was being rewarded for my will power when I stepped on the scale and saw the goal I had hoped to reach by Christmas. Was super happy. But that number has since gone up a pound. I've done nothing to deserve the extra pound so I'm trying not to let it upset me. THIS is why you should only weigh yourself once a week.
My walk/jog on Saturday was quite nice -- I felt more comfortable with the 5 miles and jogged 8 brief bursts. I'm at 54 (!) straight days of walking.
But I admit to being worried about this week. Being alone on Christmas (and still not knowing what to eat; I really don't want a Lean Cuisine) is a scary thing for me. I need to keep the focus and not give in to the temptation of "It's CHRISTMAS. I should be able to eat Chinese food!"
Hoping the momentum keeps me going. I'm down about 20 pounds from two months ago, though I look ever the same. Every time I think I look pretty in a new dress, by the end of the day, I feel as big and horrible as ever.
I'm not trying to be a downer -- just saying that despite the great momentum, walking and dieting, sometimes it just sucks to be dieting during the holidays and feeling more alone and separated than ever.
But onward. It won't be long before Jan. 1 hits and many others are in a similar boat.
316 days until the MCM: Walked 1.5 miles
315 days until the MCM: Walked 2 miles
314 days until the MCM: Walked 3 miles
313 days until the MCM: Walked 2 miles
312 days until the MCM: Walked 1 mile
311 days until the MCM: Walked 1.5 miles
310 days until the MCM: Walked 5 miles (with 8 bursts of jogging)
309 days until the MCM: Walked 1.5 miles
Last week was a bit rough: On Thursday, I sat by myself as my co-workers enjoyed their own personal pizzas from &Pizza (smelled.so.good.) and then participated in a cookie exchange. I sat and ate my salad in silence, but man was it hard. At one point, a very sweet co-worker quickly slid a plate of cookies on my desk, and I only looked at those delicious specimens briefly before I had to tell him thanks, but I just can't.
The next day was a friend's birthday party, with more cookies, candy, chips and pizza. I had two Diet Cokes and then went home to eat my Lean Cuisine pizza.
I thought I was being rewarded for my will power when I stepped on the scale and saw the goal I had hoped to reach by Christmas. Was super happy. But that number has since gone up a pound. I've done nothing to deserve the extra pound so I'm trying not to let it upset me. THIS is why you should only weigh yourself once a week.
My walk/jog on Saturday was quite nice -- I felt more comfortable with the 5 miles and jogged 8 brief bursts. I'm at 54 (!) straight days of walking.
But I admit to being worried about this week. Being alone on Christmas (and still not knowing what to eat; I really don't want a Lean Cuisine) is a scary thing for me. I need to keep the focus and not give in to the temptation of "It's CHRISTMAS. I should be able to eat Chinese food!"
Hoping the momentum keeps me going. I'm down about 20 pounds from two months ago, though I look ever the same. Every time I think I look pretty in a new dress, by the end of the day, I feel as big and horrible as ever.
I'm not trying to be a downer -- just saying that despite the great momentum, walking and dieting, sometimes it just sucks to be dieting during the holidays and feeling more alone and separated than ever.
But onward. It won't be long before Jan. 1 hits and many others are in a similar boat.
316 days until the MCM: Walked 1.5 miles
315 days until the MCM: Walked 2 miles
314 days until the MCM: Walked 3 miles
313 days until the MCM: Walked 2 miles
312 days until the MCM: Walked 1 mile
311 days until the MCM: Walked 1.5 miles
310 days until the MCM: Walked 5 miles (with 8 bursts of jogging)
309 days until the MCM: Walked 1.5 miles
Saturday, December 13, 2014
White-knuckling it
So, funny thing.
Very shortly after that last post, I got sick. The whole running nose, sore throat, congestion, miserable feeling. I was so mad. I had worked so hard to keep myself healthy and here I was sick -- again. I truly worried about how it was going to affect my walking streak, and my diet momentum.
Not gonna lie: It's been a white-knuckle week. So many days I did not want to walk. Even today: I was supposed to do five miles, and by 2 p.m. I was just dragging. All I wanted to do was sleep. And I've found it harder to resist the so-freakin-many temptations all around me. The grocery store trip alone was torturous. Candy and cookies and cakes everywhere.
But. I managed to walk (albeit most days only 1 mile) with intention every day. And I've kept myself under 1,600 calories. It really hasn't been easy. And because it hasn't been easy, I've been much less confident that I can do this. The next two weeks will be an obstacle course around bad foods -- and around the bad neighborhood in my mind that pops up when I'm by myself for the holidays.
But right now, at this moment, I'm still able to say I've walked 46 days in a row and haven't given in to temptations. I pray I can ride this momentum through the rough patches ahead.
323 days until the MCM: Walked 1 mile
322 days until the MCM: Walked 1 mile
321 days until the MCM: Walked 1 mile
320 days until the MCM: Walked 1 mile
319 days until the MCM: Walked 1.5 miles
318 days until the MCM: Walked 1 mile
317 days until the MCM: Walked 5 miles (with six small bursts of jogging)
Very shortly after that last post, I got sick. The whole running nose, sore throat, congestion, miserable feeling. I was so mad. I had worked so hard to keep myself healthy and here I was sick -- again. I truly worried about how it was going to affect my walking streak, and my diet momentum.
Not gonna lie: It's been a white-knuckle week. So many days I did not want to walk. Even today: I was supposed to do five miles, and by 2 p.m. I was just dragging. All I wanted to do was sleep. And I've found it harder to resist the so-freakin-many temptations all around me. The grocery store trip alone was torturous. Candy and cookies and cakes everywhere.
But. I managed to walk (albeit most days only 1 mile) with intention every day. And I've kept myself under 1,600 calories. It really hasn't been easy. And because it hasn't been easy, I've been much less confident that I can do this. The next two weeks will be an obstacle course around bad foods -- and around the bad neighborhood in my mind that pops up when I'm by myself for the holidays.
But right now, at this moment, I'm still able to say I've walked 46 days in a row and haven't given in to temptations. I pray I can ride this momentum through the rough patches ahead.
323 days until the MCM: Walked 1 mile
322 days until the MCM: Walked 1 mile
321 days until the MCM: Walked 1 mile
320 days until the MCM: Walked 1 mile
319 days until the MCM: Walked 1.5 miles
318 days until the MCM: Walked 1 mile
317 days until the MCM: Walked 5 miles (with six small bursts of jogging)
Saturday, December 6, 2014
39 days straight!
I don't think I've ever done anything for 39 days straight. Except, you know, breathe and eat and sleep.
I am beyond grateful that I have remained healthy enough to walk and that my legs are still taking me places. One of my fears is getting sick or injured and having a setback too soon into this goal of mine. I thank God for getting me this far. I've had tired legs many nights, but I think that is easing.
I'm also, remarkably, doing well on the eating front, staying under 1,600 calories a day for more than a month. This is mega progress for me. I just hope the momentum propels me during these oh-so-hard holiday months coming up.
I bought new running shoes yesterday, which thrilled me. Just being in a running store, being fitted, running on the treadmill, talking about my goal -- it felt great. And so far, so good on the shoes. They were just fine on today's 5-plus-mile walk/jog.
Yes, I said jog! This is SO minor but it's progress. I want to incorporate small bits of jogging into some of my walks this month. Because I was doing 5 miles today for the first time in forever + using new shoes, I didn't want to do too much. So I waited until the last mile and then did four 1-minute bursts. It. Felt. So. Good.
This week, though, has had its challenges. My stress level was high, my hours of sleep were too few, and I've been frustrated by so many things. Maybe that's actually why I'm doing well with the walking -- it has given me at least ONE thing I have had control over. Which is another reason I pray I don't get hurt.
331 days until the MCM: Walked 4 miles
330 days until the MCM: Walked 1.5 miles
329 days until the MCM: Walked 1 mile
328 days until the MCM: Walked 1 mile
327 days until the MCM: Walked 1 mile
326 days until the MCM: Walked 2 miles
325 days until the MCM: Walked 2 miles
324 days until the MCM: Walked 5+ miles
I am beyond grateful that I have remained healthy enough to walk and that my legs are still taking me places. One of my fears is getting sick or injured and having a setback too soon into this goal of mine. I thank God for getting me this far. I've had tired legs many nights, but I think that is easing.
I'm also, remarkably, doing well on the eating front, staying under 1,600 calories a day for more than a month. This is mega progress for me. I just hope the momentum propels me during these oh-so-hard holiday months coming up.
I bought new running shoes yesterday, which thrilled me. Just being in a running store, being fitted, running on the treadmill, talking about my goal -- it felt great. And so far, so good on the shoes. They were just fine on today's 5-plus-mile walk/jog.
Yes, I said jog! This is SO minor but it's progress. I want to incorporate small bits of jogging into some of my walks this month. Because I was doing 5 miles today for the first time in forever + using new shoes, I didn't want to do too much. So I waited until the last mile and then did four 1-minute bursts. It. Felt. So. Good.
This week, though, has had its challenges. My stress level was high, my hours of sleep were too few, and I've been frustrated by so many things. Maybe that's actually why I'm doing well with the walking -- it has given me at least ONE thing I have had control over. Which is another reason I pray I don't get hurt.
331 days until the MCM: Walked 4 miles
330 days until the MCM: Walked 1.5 miles
329 days until the MCM: Walked 1 mile
328 days until the MCM: Walked 1 mile
327 days until the MCM: Walked 1 mile
326 days until the MCM: Walked 2 miles
325 days until the MCM: Walked 2 miles
324 days until the MCM: Walked 5+ miles
Saturday, November 29, 2014
331 days till the MCM!
339 days until the MCM: Walked 1.5 miles
338 days until the MCM: Walked 4 miles
337 days until the MCM: Walked 1 mile
336 days until the MCM: Walked 1 mile
335 days until the MCM: Walked 3 miles
334 days until the MCM: Walked 2 miles
333 days until the MCM: Walked 3.1 miles
332 days until the MCM: Walked 2 miles
Friday, November 28, 2014
That point when it's so worth it ...
Yesterday, Thanksgiving, was a wee bit hard on me food-wise. So many delicious offerings -- and no idea what they contained calorie-wise. I tried to choose wisely and put small dollops on my plate. I steered clear of the pasta and sweet-n-creamy foods, though I did have a small biscuit and a roll. But I had only one plate worth (and it wasn't piled), did not get seconds, and for dessert I had a small piece of the crust-less pumpkin pie I've made every year since the Weight Watchers recipe entered my life.
When I got home, hours later, I was hungry. So I had leftover squash casserole (another WW recipe) for dinner and another small piece of the pumpkin pie.
When I weighed myself today, to compare it to yesterday (pre-Thanksgiving meal), I was very pleased to see that the scale had gone down. And that I had hit the second small goal of mine.
Yesterday also marked another milestone: 30 straight days of walking -- and the 30th day was the 5K Turkey Trot, so that was cool, too.
Whenever my routine is jostled, that's when I feel out of control, which brings on the binge eating. So that's what I had to be extra careful (and aware) of over the past few days. When my friends and I went to see The Hunger Games, we packed popcorn and Fiber One bars. When I got back from my Turkey Trot, I had some eggs and turkey bacon, so I wouldn't be starving when I went to our gathering. Feeling organized and prepared is so key for me. I have to remember that.
I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving. I was so blessed to spend it, again, with a group of friends I love dearly. I hope your blessings were abundant, too.
When I got home, hours later, I was hungry. So I had leftover squash casserole (another WW recipe) for dinner and another small piece of the pumpkin pie.
When I weighed myself today, to compare it to yesterday (pre-Thanksgiving meal), I was very pleased to see that the scale had gone down. And that I had hit the second small goal of mine.
Yesterday also marked another milestone: 30 straight days of walking -- and the 30th day was the 5K Turkey Trot, so that was cool, too.
Whenever my routine is jostled, that's when I feel out of control, which brings on the binge eating. So that's what I had to be extra careful (and aware) of over the past few days. When my friends and I went to see The Hunger Games, we packed popcorn and Fiber One bars. When I got back from my Turkey Trot, I had some eggs and turkey bacon, so I wouldn't be starving when I went to our gathering. Feeling organized and prepared is so key for me. I have to remember that.
I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving. I was so blessed to spend it, again, with a group of friends I love dearly. I hope your blessings were abundant, too.
Wednesday, November 26, 2014
That point when it gets hard ...
I'm still doing well -- still eating right, still walking.
But tonight I tried on a dress I ordered for Thanksgiving. And it was tight and looked so horrendous on me. I stared at my horrible body in the mirror and all of a sudden I didn't see the woman who has been working so hard, who has been walking every day, who has been eating all the right foods. I saw the woman I had become after years of not taking care of myself. And for a brief moment, I had that horrible thought of "Why bother?" Followed by a string of all the bad names I call myself in moments of self-pity.
Only I am determined to not dwell on it. I definitely feel sadder right now, heavier, disappointed. But I know the happiness I so desire isn't going to be found if I give up. I'll have to send the nifty Thanksgiving dress back (it had a fall leaf pattern that was so pretty). And wear something old.
And walk tomorrow, my 29th day.
But tonight I tried on a dress I ordered for Thanksgiving. And it was tight and looked so horrendous on me. I stared at my horrible body in the mirror and all of a sudden I didn't see the woman who has been working so hard, who has been walking every day, who has been eating all the right foods. I saw the woman I had become after years of not taking care of myself. And for a brief moment, I had that horrible thought of "Why bother?" Followed by a string of all the bad names I call myself in moments of self-pity.
Only I am determined to not dwell on it. I definitely feel sadder right now, heavier, disappointed. But I know the happiness I so desire isn't going to be found if I give up. I'll have to send the nifty Thanksgiving dress back (it had a fall leaf pattern that was so pretty). And wear something old.
And walk tomorrow, my 29th day.
Tuesday, November 25, 2014
Yes, even last night!
I don't have much time, but I wanted to report that the streak continues at 28 days!
Yesterday and today had potential to be bad: I had planned on walking after work, but work (which typically ends between 7:30 and 8:30) for me lasted until 10:30 p.m. We decided to replate and try to get in the Ferguson decision in as many papers as possible. The decision was to be announced at 9, but as everyone knows it wasn't until 9:30 that the prosecutor said the words. I updated the story by 10, the cover was finished at 10:20 and it was rush, rush, rush. I was exhausted. But I had to walk. So I did. I went down to the treadmill, got in that minimum 1 mile and got home around 11:30.
Today, I need to leave work at 7:30 for trivia night, so my plan was to get in the walk this morning. It was super hard to get up. But two things made me: 1. Today would be the last day of decent weather before the temperatures sink, and I really, really like to walk outside whenever possible, and 2. I just couldn't break the streak.
I just got back from doing 3 miles. Still pretty tired. But pumped.
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