Where did May go?

Oh my gosh, I can't believe I haven't written in so long. I need a do-over for May. Seriously. The month is almost over and I don't have much to show for it.

May started great -- I was running before work and feeling awesome doing it. I even ran 6 miles on a Thursday, which I need to be doing more of (longer distances during the week). Then I ran a 10K in Jacksonville last Saturday. It wasn't my best, but it was still pretty good.

But this past week has wiped me out. I have come down with a chest cold -- a horrible cough that won't quit. I've still dragged myself out to do a mile during these days, but I'm telling you, I'm not sure it's been worth it. The mile has left me in a fit of coughs that takes awhile to recover from. I still need to go out and do today's. Hoping it will be better. But that will explain the string of 1-mile minimums below.

I'm now at 208 days straight of at least a mile.

But I'm super behind in my training. I'm supposed to be up to 13 miles, and the longest I've done is 10 -- a month ago. So here's hoping I can beat this cold and get back out there soon. I can't let this bring me down.

(P.S. I will say that as I walked around the track yesterday at dusk, at what must have been a 25-minute-mile pace, blowing my nose every few minutes, I thought to myself "Well, no one can say you give up easily!")

182 days until the MCM: 1 mile

181 days until the MCM: 1.5 miles

180 days until the MCM: 1 mile

179 days until the MCM: 1.5 miles

178 days until the MCM: 1.5 miles

177 days until the MCM: 1.5 miles

176 days until the MCM: 1+ 1 miles

175 days until the MCM: 3 miles

174 days until the MCM: 1.5 miles

173 days until the MCM: 3 miles

172 days until the MCM: 1.5 miles

171 days until the MCM: 2 miles

170 days until the MCM: 1 + 1 miles

169 days until the MCM: 3 miles

168 days until the MCM: 1 mile

167 days until the MCM: 3 miles

166 days until the MCM: 1 mile

165 days until the MCM: 6 miles

164 days until the MCM: 1 mile

163 days until the MCM: 6 miles

162 days until the MCM: 1 mile

161 days until the MCM: 1.5 miles

160 days until the MCM: 1 mile

159 days until the MCM: 1 mile 

158 days until the MCM: 1 mile

157 days until the MCM: 1 mile

156 days until the MCM: 1 mile

155 days until the MCM: 1 mile

Revelation

It hit me one day this week. I don't remember when it was or what caused the revelation, but once I had it, a sense of peace washed over me.

It's about the journey, not the destination.

(So perhaps this blog's name should really be "Journey to the Finish Line"?)

As you may know, I've been feeling anxious lately about the MCM: It's only six months away! I haven't lost enough weight! I haven't been able to maintain a 15-minute-mile pace for 10 miles, let alone 26.2! I can't do this! Why did I ever think I could do this?!

But then, this week, I remembered what I had always told people with regard to the Marine Corps Marathon: I want to do the race, yes, but I'm most looking forward to training for the race. Doing those long runs on the weekends. Taking those wonderful "I just ran 15 miles" naps. Feeling my body get stronger. Coming up with longer and longer playlists to get me through longer and longer runs.

Recently, after two beautiful 10-mile races, I found myself grumbling that I'm not fast enough and who am I kidding? But that's ridiculous. I should instead be thanking God that I am where I am, that I'm back on my feet and able to run/walk any distance at all. I should be out there absorbing the sun and embracing the day and feeling the accomplishment, no matter how small it may seem. If I'm not, then why am I doing this?

Worrying about my speed and my progress will only sully this journey. It's not like I'm not pushing myself. I am. And that's all I can do. The rest will come, or it won't, but it really shouldn't matter.

What does matter is this twisty and turn-y and exciting and unpredictable journey I'm on.

Bring it.

Progress -- but not where I need to be

Well.

The past week has been eye-opening, but I'm afraid that it hasn't been the good kind of eye-opening.

The first 10-miler, in Chapel Hill, was really nice. It was a beautiful day, in a beautiful place, and I felt my friend Jill's presence so much.

Here's my favorite photo, from before the race. It was so peaceful in the stadium, and I could picture Jill in her band uniform playing during those UNC football games.

We were required to maintain a 15-minute per mile pace or be moved to the sidewalk. I was able to keep it up until about mile 5, but right around then, a few minutes behind, I was moved. It was OK -- I actually was with another runner who was super nice and supportive. My pace slowed in the last five miles (I was super tired), and I finished at about 2:42, which was a 16:16 pace. I then spent about an hour stretching in Kenan Stadium, as I was truly spent.

This week, I missed the last 5K in the Friday night series because of work/a missed train, but it was probably for the best. My right hip was hurting me. And my left foot has been in pain during some runs/walks. So I prepped for today's 10-miler instead and hoped for the best.

The cool thing about the Parkway Classic is that they have an early start option for those who can't maintain a 15-minute mile. So I took it. Unfortunately, they changed the process this year and it turned out that because I had signed up for the early start, I had to stick with the bicyclist for the first four miles, and he would only go at an 18-minute mile pace. So I wasn't even able to try to go faster until we were moved to the road with the rest of the runners.

The road, alas, was concrete, and while my IT band and hip seemed fine, my lower back hurt a bit and my foot, well, it was in a lot of pain.

I was able to run the last six miles at around a 15:30 pace, ending up with an average of 16:30 or so.

But as I sat on the waterfront with my medal afterward, I couldn't help but be a bit sad, worrying about the aches and pains, and realizing that I'm just not where I need to be in my training. I am definitely proud of how far I have come in the past six months. I'm a lot faster than I was, 35 pounds lighter and up to 10 miles in my distance. But I am still carrying too much weight on these runs and I'm starting to feel more pains than I'd like. I'm also not able to keep a 15-minute mile pace for 10 miles -- so how am I going to do it for 26.2?

I got my MCM training shirt in the mail this week and was super excited. But then a Facebook post came across noting the "six months until the race" and I kind of freaked out.

Can I do this? Should I even keep trying? I know I want this desperately, but with that six-month clock now ticking down, I am honestly more than a bit scared.

I'm also a little worried about this streak, which has hit 180 days. It may be causing me more problems than it's worth. A friend thinks the foot pain is a contusion from overuse. But if I stop the streak, I'm so afraid I will never get back.

A lot to think about.

192 days until the MCM: 1 mile

191 days until the MCM: 10 miles

190 days until the MCM: 1 mile

189 days until the MCM: 2.5 miles

188 days until the MCM: 1.5 miles

187 days until the MCM: 2.5 miles

186 days until the MCM: 1 mile

185 days until the MCM: 1 mile

184 days until the MCM: 2.5 miles

183 days until the MCM: 10 miles

Absent but still going

Apologies for being so absent! I started a new job three weeks ago, and it's been all-consuming. Well, 90 percent consuming; I am still getting in my daily walk!

How many days is that?

170 days in a row!

That's mind-boggling. But the funny thing is, it's still not completely ingrained in my consciousness (maybe that's because the new job is trying to nudge its way in front). On Saturday, I spent five hours waiting for my car to get looked at, on a gorgeous morning, in a neighborhood that had sidewalks. And I never thought to use some of that time walking (instead, I worked). I got home, watched TV and such, and around 8 p.m. realized...ohmygosh! I haven't walked yet! So I scooted down to the gym and did a mile.

I've had a lot happen since I've last written and I hope I can remember most of it. It's funny: I tend to write the blog in my head, but then never get a chance to actually type it down. I've got to get better at that.

One big milestone: I've been running the Crystal City 5K Fridays in April and seen progress. The first one was super rough: I was exhausted and dehydrated, and it was humid and very pollen-y out. But I still had my best time in two years. The next Friday, after making sure I spent the week drinking tons of water, I beat the previous time by nearly 3 minutes! (See "after" photo above.) I really pushed myself and was able to maintain a 14:54 pace. So I'm now capable of doing 3.1 miles at a 15-min-mile pace. Just 23.1 to go!

BUT.

I have this 10-miler TOMORROW that is requiring a 15-min-mile pace. And I just know it will be impossible to do for 10 miles. I'm prepared to be pushed to the sidewalk, though, man, that will suck. But the race is in Chapel Hill, and it's one I've always wanted to do. So there's no backing down. I'll give it my best shot and try to keep a slow, steady pace. (If you have time on Saturday morning between the hours of 7:30 and 10 a.m., I'd sure appreciate some good vibes!)

AND.

I still have been dealing with some IT band strain/discomfort. I'm trying to roll my leg as much as possible, and that helps. But I can't help but worry about that, too.

Part of the problem, I think, is that I've been trying to walk home every day after work. It's only 2.5 miles, but about 1.5 of it is uphill, and some of that is up a giant hill. Which adds to the strain. But I think my muscles are getting stronger as a result; it's definitely getting easier to walk it (most days).

Other news to report:

One of the biggest problems with me changing jobs has been the weight gain that results. My move from Wilmington to Virginia Beach in 2005 resulted in a 30-pound weight gain in the first two months or so. My move from Norfolk to Arlington was about the same. It's scary.

BUT.

I am pleased and proud to say that I was able to lose about 2-3 pounds in the weeks since starting the job. Not much at all (and not at the rate I really need to be at) but I didn't gain and that is huge for me. I fluctuate some (some weeks have been better than others), but I'm getting lower and am at my lowest weight in two years. The next goal is getting to my pre-Arlington weight, which is about 20 pounds away. (For the curious, I think I'm about 35 pounds down since October.)

Another milestone is coming up. That 170-day walking streak is about to equal six months! While that is exciting, it's also a bit terrifying: That means I'm just six months away from the MCM. Gah! I have so much progress to still make, and that's not taking into account possible/probable injuries. If I can complete these 10 miles somewhat kinda sorta near a 15-min-mile pace, I'll feel somewhat on track.

(Note: For those who have investigated and see that the MCM website says you have to maintain a 14-min-mile pace, the course is open for 7 hours (about 6.5 hours after the last person crosses the start), which means a bit less than a 15-min-mile. Starting time is 7:55; the last person to cross the start -- me -- will be at about 8:20. You have to "beat the bridge" by 1:15 p.m., which means you have to get to mile 20 in about 5 hours, which according to my calculations, is a 15-min-mile. If I am wrong about this, well, just shoot me now.)

It's a bit anxiety-inducing to think about these details, but I need to. I still remember that joy I felt back in September 2009 when I finished 20 miles in less than five hours. I want to feel that again!

So here is where I stand in this 170 day streak of at least 1 mile walking:

218 days until the MCM: 1.5 miles
217 days until the MCM: 1 mile
216 days until the MCM: 3.5 miles
215 days until the MCM: 1 mile
214 days until the MCM: 1 mile
213 days until the MCM: 1 mile
212 days until the MCM: 1 mile
211 days until the MCM: 1 mile
210 days until the MCM: 1+1 miles
209 days until the MCM: 1.5 miles
208 days until the MCM: 3.5 miles
207 days until the MCM: 2.5 miles
206 days until the MCM: 3.1 miles
205 days until the MCM: 1 mile
204 days until the MCM: 6 miles
203 days until the MCM: 1 mile
202 days until the MCM: 1.5 miles
201 days until the MCM: 1 mile
200 days until the MCM: 1 mile

199 days until the MCM: 3.1 miles

198 days until the MCM: 1 mile

197 days until the MCM: 1+1 miles

196 days until the MCM: 2.5 miles

195 days until the MCM: 1.5 miles

194 days until the MCM: 2.5 miles

193 days until the MCM: 2.5 miles

(So, when I started this little streak back in October, I remember standing in Penn Station in NYC and literally counting the days on a calendar to figure out how many there were until the MCM. I counted a few times to make sure I was right. Now, the MCM has its official clock on the website and it says today is 191 days until the race, whereas I'm at 192. At some point I'll need to skip ahead to the correct number, but I'll wait a little longer!)

I'm in!

I got in to the Marine Corps Marathon!

Super, super excited! And nervous, of course.

Yesterday, I went running before work and was able to log two sub-15-minute miles in a row, so only 24 more to go!

(Of course, as I rolled over in bed to check my email for the confirmation just now, I felt tenderness in my knee. Which is kinda freaking me out. Need to get back to serious strength training. Can't afford to get hurt!)

144 days straight!

Hello, hello.

I'm once again in a rush but want to quickly give an update. I finished my second set of 72 days yesterday with a brutal 10-miler.

Here is the proof:

I started with 362 days until the MCM; now we're at 218 days. It's getting more serious! And I'll find out this week if I actually get IN the race. Fingers crossed!

As for yesterday's 10-miler: I'm trying really hard to stick to the 2/3 run/walk rhythm, and I wanted to see how long I could do that solid until I was too tuckered. I got to mile 6.5 or so, though the first mile was walking. So technically, I can go only 5.5 miles straight doing the run/walk method. My first long race (10 miles) is in one month, and there IS a time limit on the course, so I really need to work on my stamina. I was beyond exhausted after yesterday's 10 miles. So I have a ways to go.

Some very exciting news: I don't have to take blood-pressure medication! My doctor had given me four months to get it down (it was rather high for a long time) and I did! It was 122/80 on Friday and she said I earned my pass! Very good news for me.

I'm also down about 30 pounds total. Getting there. Very slowly but surely.

240 days until the MCM: 6 miles
239 days until the MCM: 1 mile
238 days until the MCM: 2 miles
237 days until the MCM: 1 mile
236 days until the MCM: 1 mile
235 days until the MCM: 1.5 miles
234 days until the MCM: 1 mile
233 days until the MCM: 9 miles
232 days until the MCM: 2 miles
231 days until the MCM: 3 miles
230 days until the MCM: 3 miles
229 days until the MCM: 1 mile
228 days until the MCM: 1 mile
227 days until the MCM: 1 mile
226 days until the MCM: 1 mile
225 days until the MCM: 1 mile
224 days until the MCM: 1.5 miles
223 days until the MCM: 2 miles
222 days until the MCM: 2 miles
221 days until the MCM: 1.5 miles
220 days until the MCM: 1 mile
219 days until the MCM: 10 miles

Exciting times

I don't have much time at all to write (so I'll have to update my daily mileage the next time), but I wanted to write about today's run, because it was a huge step for me.

Because of my weight, I have been alternating running/walking in my mileage for years and years now. It has helped keep me injury-free (knock on every wood surface available) and will be key in doing a marathon. But today -- rainy but warm enough to go outside in a T-shirt and hat instead of layers and a muffler -- I decided to see how far I could run straight. One lap? I did it and felt great. OK, let's try two. Still feel good. Three? Yep. And by golly, I did four, meaning I was able to run a mile straight, which hasn't been the case in what feels like forever. It meant so much to me. I felt almost as glorious as I felt back in 2004/05 when I ran a mile for the first time in my life.

Some other fun milestones:

I did nine miles on Saturday -- mostly walking b/c the roads were still icy, but still ... nine!

I don't know the exact number off-hand, but I've gone more than 130 days now walking/jogging at least one mile!

And the weight is still going down. Slowly but it's moving. I'm almost at my lowest weight in two years. The next goal will be my pre-D.C. weight.

Onward!

Still plugging along

I have been so negligent about writing in February! I wish I had time to truly update this blog, but it's a hectic time, and I'm juggling so much work and so many projects I can barely come up for air.

But.

But I'm still walking/jogging, though less jogging in the past two weeks. I must get re-focused as there are some key dates coming in March: registration for the MCM (!) and the 11-mile race that, if I finish, means I'm automatically in the MCM and don't need to rely on good luck (it's a lottery system for getting in the marathon). Both events mean I must seriously get my mind back in the game.

It's only been about halfway in the game these past few weeks. The streak continues, but with not as much heart as before. And my eating is hit or miss, with more misses than I'm comfortable with. But if I'm proud about anything, it's that I haven't allowed the bitter cold weather to stop me from completing my long distances. Last weekend, faced with doing 8 miles either on Friday (sunny but a "feels like 4 degrees") or Saturday (warmer, in the low 30s, but snow), I took my chances on Friday. I was out there a long time (not only did I do 8 miles, I did it on the very hilly Custis Trail) and it took forever to warm back up, but boy did I feel proud. Today was only 6 miles, and a little warmer, and while I was utterly exhausted from a busy week, I'm able to check that off, too.

Here's where I stand in my training. (Yes, there ARE more 1-milers than I'd like....) But this makes 123 days in a row!

252 days until the MCM: Walked 1 mile 

251 days until the MCM: Walked 1 mile 

250 days until the MCM: Walked 1 mile 

249 days until the MCM: Walked 1 mile 

248 days until the MCM: Walked/jogged 8 miles 

247 days until the MCM: Walked 1 mile  

246 days until the MCM: Walked 1 mile 

245 days until the MCM: Walked 1 mile 

244 days until the MCM:Walked 2 miles 

243 days until the MCM:  Walked 1.5 miles

242 days until the MCM: Walked 1.5 miles 

241 days until the MCM:  Walked 1 + 1 miles

240 days until the MCM: Walked 6 miles 

The fall

It's been a hellava week. 

It started well. I was thrilled when, on Saturday, I ran/walked 7 miles and then went for a 4-mile walk with friends. 11 miles! I was certainly hurting in the end, but it felt so great. I spent the night stretching and stretching and prepping for another great week.

But that week threw me some curveballs.

First, I was in a lot of pain all week. Not the bad pain -- it was just a deep, deep ache in my legs. The kind that screamed to me "YOU NEED TO TAKE A BREAK!" So I did. Most days I only walked 1 mile. And, really, I strolled those 1-milers. But the aches continued.

I worked some long, hard days on the job, and by Thursday, I was just done. So tired. Plum worn out. When I weighed in Thursday morning, I was furious when I stepped on the scale and saw a weekly loss of less than a pound. Why oh why was it taking so long? Why was it so hard? Why, when I was doing everything right, was the weight not coming off faster?

So I was sad on Thursday. Frustrated. And on Thursday night, I ate more than I should have. Not much more, but more. About 400 calories more than normal (total of 2,000). The next day? A 1-pound weight gain. Because, of course.

(I must note here that I passed up loads of free pizza in the newsroom on Thursday, plus cupcakes, plus giant sugar heart cookies at my apartment building.)

Thursday night brought the news about David Carr's sudden death -- he was an NYT columnist I have admired for years and always wanted to meet -- and then news of the death of a former colleague. I spent nearly the entire day on Friday in bed. I was in a deep, dark hole. Still, at night, I crawled out of bed and made myself do 1 mile on the treadmill downstairs. Saturday was Valentine's Day, and while I try not to care, I felt buried in loneliness. By the grace of God, I found myself outside on Saturday afternoon and was able to walk 6 miles. It took just about everything in me to get it done. Not much running at all.

And then today. I ate. Nothing "bad" but too much of the snacks I usually allow myself in moderation. It was a big fall. 

As of today, it's been 110 days of walking/running straight. I haven't broken the streak. But I have definitely fallen. The walks have been torturous. I have little desire to work harder. I'm not excited about the progress I've made. I don't see a change in how I look. I don't want to eat just 1,200-1,400 calories. I fear I will never, ever get where I need to be.

But I will try to refocus tomorrow and hope, hope I can get back on track. These are some crucial days ahead. Will I keep falling or will I bounce back and stride ahead?

261 days until the MCM: Walked 7 + 4 miles 

260 days until the MCM: Walked 2 miles 

259 days until the MCM: Walked 1 mile 

258 days until the MCM: Walked 1 mile 

257 days until the MCM: Walked 1 mile 

256 days until the MCM: Walked 2 miles

255 days until the MCM: Walked 1 mile 

254 days until the MCM: Walked 6 miles 

253 days until the MCM: Walked 1 mile 

100 days! (Well, actually, 101)

A lot of little things to report, all which add up to a big thing for me: I believe I'm making solid progress now.

The scale: I still find myself beyond frustrated with the number on the scale. For someone who is working so hard and eating so well and drinking soooo much water, the scale is not responding. I lost about 1 pound this week. I've been trying to be patient and tell myself that one day the scale will show a big drop to make up for all of these drips, so when I stepped on this week and saw another drip, I sank into a funk. That was, until I decided to focus on the number that really matters …

The important number: 101. That's the number of days in a row I've walked/jogged. It's mind-boggling to think I've made it this far. But it feels really, really great. I think about those days when a walk seemed impossible, but I did it anyhow. And then I think about some recent walk/jogs of mine when I haven't wanted to stop because I was enjoying it so much. A scheduled 2-miler turned into a 3-miler a few times. That's really the progress I need to focus on.

Another milestone number: I was excited Tuesday morning when I had a breakthrough in my running. You see, I've been trying to go longer and longer, but I haven't been monitoring my speed much, and that's something that will become increasingly important as the MCM gets closer. To complete the marathon, and not get picked up by the sag bus, I need to maintain a 15-minute mile. So far, on average, I'm nowhere near that in my small walk/runs. But on Tuesday, Mile 2 took 15 minutes. (Because I only walk, not walk/jog, the first 0.5 mile and last 0.5 mile, my overall pace was 16 minutes.) I was thrilled. It was just one mile, but it showed that I can do a 15-minute mile. It may sound like a minor goal, but it was/is huge to me. (Side note: I did 3.1 miles in about 50 minutes. When I checked my 5Ks from last year, they were all around 52 minutes. More progress!)

And another: This summer, I discovered that a crucial number -- one I never had a problem with, even when I was at my heaviest -- was way too high. My blood pressure was consistently bad. Each week, I'd see 150/100 or 140/90 or some variation of those numbers. Hypertensive, the guidelines told me. When I had my annual physical in November, my doctor told me that if the number didn't go down in four months, she'd have to put me on medication. I told her I didn't want to take another pill. And she said, well, if it doesn't go down and you don't take the medication, you're doing irreversible damage to your heart. I had already been walking/dieting for about a month at that point and was bummed to see that my BP hadn't changed much at all. I worried that stress was more of a factor than my weight, and I had no idea how to reduce that at work. I'm supposed to check in with her in mid-March but because I had no idea where I was with regard to my BP, I had the nurse at work check it. I was thrilled to hear her reading: 136/82. Pre-hypertensive: Progress!

The clothes effect: I still don't see a huge difference in the clothes I wear -- OK, mostly in the jeans I wear, which I swear look and feel the same -- but there have been some moments this week when I started to feel a difference. I was wearing a pair of black pants at work the other day and put my hands in my pockets, only to discover a few minutes later that I had pulled the pants down over my hips and they were somewhat in danger of falling off! I hiked ’em back up and kept my hands out of the pockets, but man did that feel good. I also ordered some clothes this week: three sweater dresses and a pajama set. I ordered the sweater dresses in a size smaller than normal and the pajamas in my current size (because, comfort). The dresses fit! The pajamas are big! Oo-rah!

The attitude: I'm feeling good. I have days when I want to throw the scale out the window, but never the progress. On Monday, I was walking on the treadmill at work after a really bad day and I came across an ad in Runner's World magazine for the MCM. I immediately broke out into a silly grin. I don't think I've ever felt as excited about anything as I am about this. (Well, maybe journalism, back in the day.) The ad is now taped to my wall. Here's a photo of me grinning like a fool at the gym:

277 days until the MCM: Walked 1 mile 
276 days until the MCM: Walked 6 miles 
275 days until the MCM: Walked 1 miles 
274 days until the MCM: Walked 3 + 2 miles 
273 days until the MCM: Walked 2 miles 
272 days until the MCM: Walked 2 miles 
271 days until the MCM: Walked 3 miles 
270 days until the MCM: Walked 1 mile 
269 days until the MCM: Walked 2 miles 
268 days until the MCM: Walked 6 miles 
267 days until the MCM: Walked 2 miles 
266 days until the MCM: Walked 1 mile 
265 days until the MCM: Walked 3 miles 
264 days until the MCM: Walked 3 miles 
263 days until the MCM: Walked 2 miles 
262 days until the MCM: Walked 2 miles