My life is a joke

Not to be a complete downer, but, really, my life is a joke.

For five months, I've gone to Power Cut classes religiously, squatted and lifted and lunged for hours, and yet I look in the mirror and see the same girl who arrived in January.

I weighed 218.8 on Saturday - a frustrating number b/c it didn't drop an ounce even after a perfect diet week - and by Monday, after a few slips Sunday, I weighed 220. Perfect Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and the scale hasn't moved.

While in Power Cut on Tuesday, I spent the first half hour wondering why I was still there and if it really mattered. Of course, it was an extra- hard class (I get the feeling she's trying to weed people out), but watching myself in the mirror was very frustrating. Shouldn't I look at least a little different by now? Shouldn't the pants I wore in January be at least a little freakin' looser?

Then I attempted a run after class - for the first time in nearly a month. I have been trying so hard to get rid of these shin splints, doing all of my exercises and laying off the running, instead walking. I did three small bursts (0.35 mile) of running during my three miles, and by the end felt just fine. I was pretty happy, though still a little scared about Saturday's 10K.

One day later, a muscle behind my knee hurts when I move my leg.

Do you see the theme? I'm a joke.

There's one thing I do wonder about: sitting. Yesterday, because of an extremely hard shift (and they're more common these days), I never left my desk from 5 p.m. to 2 a.m. I'm not kidding. I never went to the bathroom (no problem b/c I hardly drank from my water bottle b/c I didn't have time). I never heated up my dinner (skipped it b/c I didn't have time). You've got to wonder what this does to a body. I've read the reports, and now I'm living the reports.

Anyway, it's pretty clear that I'm not a typical woman trying to lose weight. This blog isn't going to help anyone in that regard. So once again, I'm ending it. I hope to write when I have some running news - that's what this blog was created for anyway. But right now, I can't keep pretending I know what I'm doing. I'm not quitting Weight Watchers. I'm never going to quit trying. But when I report that I'm the same weight week after week, I feel like a failure over and over.

Take care ---