More white knuckles

Gosh what a horrible time of year to be dieting.

Last week was a bit rough: On Thursday, I sat by myself as my co-workers enjoyed their own personal pizzas from &Pizza (smelled.so.good.) and then participated in a cookie exchange. I sat and ate my salad in silence, but man was it hard. At one point, a very sweet co-worker quickly slid a plate of cookies on my desk, and I only looked at those delicious specimens briefly before I had to tell him thanks, but I just can't.

The next day was a friend's birthday party, with more cookies, candy, chips and pizza. I had two Diet Cokes and then went home to eat my Lean Cuisine pizza.

I thought I was being rewarded for my will power when I stepped on the scale and saw the goal I had hoped to reach by Christmas. Was super happy. But that number has since gone up a pound. I've done nothing to deserve the extra pound so I'm trying not to let it upset me. THIS is why you should only weigh yourself once a week.

My walk/jog on Saturday was quite nice -- I felt more comfortable with the 5 miles and jogged 8 brief bursts. I'm at 54 (!) straight days of walking.

But I admit to being worried about this week. Being alone on Christmas (and still not knowing what to eat; I really don't want a Lean Cuisine) is a scary thing for me. I need to keep the focus and not give in to the temptation of "It's CHRISTMAS. I should be able to eat Chinese food!"

Hoping the momentum keeps me going. I'm down about 20 pounds from two months ago, though I look ever the same. Every time I think I look pretty in a new dress, by the end of the day, I feel as big and horrible as ever.

I'm not trying to be a downer -- just saying that despite the great momentum, walking and dieting, sometimes it just sucks to be dieting during the holidays and feeling more alone and separated than ever.

But onward. It won't be long before Jan. 1 hits and many others are in a similar boat.

316 days until the MCM: Walked 1.5 miles
315 days until the MCM: Walked 2 miles
314 days until the MCM: Walked 3 miles
313 days until the MCM: Walked 2 miles
312 days until the MCM: Walked 1 mile
311 days until the MCM: Walked 1.5 miles
310 days until the MCM: Walked 5 miles (with 8 bursts of jogging)
309 days until the MCM: Walked 1.5 miles

White-knuckling it

So, funny thing.

Very shortly after that last post, I got sick. The whole running nose, sore throat, congestion, miserable feeling. I was so mad. I had worked so hard to keep myself healthy and here I was sick -- again. I truly worried about how it was going to affect my walking streak, and my diet momentum.

Not gonna lie: It's been a white-knuckle week. So many days I did not want to walk. Even today: I was supposed to do five miles, and by 2 p.m. I was just dragging. All I wanted to do was sleep. And I've found it harder to resist the so-freakin-many temptations all around me. The grocery store trip alone was torturous. Candy and cookies and cakes everywhere.

But. I managed to walk (albeit most days only 1 mile) with intention every day. And I've kept myself under 1,600 calories. It really hasn't been easy. And because it hasn't been easy, I've been much less confident that I can do this. The next two weeks will be an obstacle course around bad foods -- and around the bad neighborhood in my mind that pops up when I'm by myself for the holidays.

But right now, at this moment, I'm still able to say I've walked 46 days in a row and haven't given in to temptations. I pray I can ride this momentum through the rough patches ahead.

323 days until the MCM: Walked 1 mile
322 days until the MCM: Walked 1 mile
321 days until the MCM: Walked 1 mile
320 days until the MCM: Walked 1 mile
319 days until the MCM: Walked 1.5 miles
318 days until the MCM: Walked 1 mile
317 days until the MCM: Walked 5 miles (with six small bursts of jogging)

39 days straight!

I don't think I've ever done anything for 39 days straight. Except, you know, breathe and eat and sleep.

I am beyond grateful that I have remained healthy enough to walk and that my legs are still taking me places. One of my fears is getting sick or injured and having a setback too soon into this goal of mine. I thank God for getting me this far. I've had tired legs many nights, but I think that is easing.

I'm also, remarkably, doing well on the eating front, staying under 1,600 calories a day for more than a month. This is mega progress for me. I just hope the momentum propels me during these oh-so-hard holiday months coming up. 

I bought new running shoes yesterday, which thrilled me. Just being in a running store, being fitted, running on the treadmill, talking about my goal -- it felt great. And so far, so good on the shoes. They were just fine on today's 5-plus-mile walk/jog.

Yes, I said jog! This is SO minor but it's progress. I want to incorporate small bits of jogging into some of my walks this month. Because I was doing 5 miles today for the first time in forever + using new shoes, I didn't want to do too much. So I waited until the last mile and then did four 1-minute bursts. It. Felt. So. Good. 

This week, though, has had its challenges. My stress level was high, my hours of sleep were too few, and I've been frustrated by so many things. Maybe that's actually why I'm doing well with the walking -- it has given me at least ONE thing I have had control over. Which is another reason I pray I don't get hurt.

331 days until the MCM: Walked 4 miles
330 days until the MCM: Walked 1.5 miles
329 days until the MCM: Walked 1 mile
328 days until the MCM: Walked 1 mile
327 days until the MCM: Walked 1 mile
326 days until the MCM: Walked 2 miles
325 days until the MCM: Walked 2 miles
324 days until the MCM: Walked 5+ miles