Some dreams take longer to reach than others.
Mine, this passion to run and finish the Marine Corps Marathon, will sadly (once again) be a dream deferred.
I decided this week, on one of three short runs, that the right thing to do is to put the race off a year -- essentially add 365 days to my training schedule. No amount of wishful thinking was going to make me speed up enough to finish. And living in fear the next two months that I would fail was not my idea of enjoying life.
Let me be clear: I'm not giving up, nor am I telling my 8-year-old self to give up. There will be no major break in my training. I won't tear up my MCM calendar and stop running. I will continue on. There will just be some more padding in the calendar before I hit those 13-mile-plus long runs again.
It's the right thing to do, I know, and I'm sure you all know, too. And I do not in any way view this as a failure.
That said, I'm not going to say it doesn't hurt. When I submitted the transfer paperwork last night, I actually had a hard time hitting the "submit" button. I was crushed. But then I got the email that read, "In late January/early February 2016, you will receive an email notification to re-register..." and I was excited all over again about what was to come. It's not over.
Whether I run the 41st annual MCM when I'm 41 or the 50th annual MCM when I'm 50, it's a dream that isn't going anywhere.
And despite setting out on Oct. 29, 2014, with the goal to run the MCM in 2015, I refuse to look at this past year as a failure. I walked at least one mile for 211 days straight. I lost about 25 pounds. I got up to 14 miles in my training. And I made strides toward this goal, closer than I've been in six years.
I've signed up for the MCM 10K in an effort to not be overwhelmed with sadness come Oct. 25. I hope the race, like it's done in the past, simply re-energizes me to keep going, not give up, never look back.