I had been feeling so good for most of September, so this latest setback is somewhat bringing me down. Week Five of training was an Epic Fail, though I did complete 9 miles on Sunday. Still, those 9 miles resulted in this new pain that has derailed my momentum, so I don't really consider this week a success on any level (training-wise).
Where this week was a success was in the fundraising. I thought that first day of 10 envelopes in the mailbox was just a fluke, but each subsequent day has brought five, two, five more. And, in honor of Chris, I'm up to more than $1,500 raised - halfway to my goal. That is a huge source of pride. My friends and family (and eye doctor!) have been so generous and supportive.
Which is where the bit of guilt comes into play. They're helping me with the fundraising, and I want to fulfill my end of the bargain - getting out there and training and running that half marathon. So as I sit here on the couch (though working, not eating bonbons and watching TV), I feel a lot of guilt and sadness for not continuing that streak in my training. My head knows it's the right thing to do to not hurt myself even more, but my heart is heavy and sad.
I would like to try to run tomorrow, but I'm facing this inward battle of "Do I just run 3 miles to try it out? 2 miles? Or do I do what the schedule says and try 10? Will that make me hurt more? Will I feel worse if I don't try? Should I just get out there and see how it goes? Do I hold out longer till after physical therapy on Tuesday? Am I really feeling pain in my knee and back or is just my brain thinking I am feeling something that's not really there?"
This race is very, very important to me. Many people who care about my health keep trying to persuade me to switch to the 5K. But there's something about this half marathon that is special - and I need to feel like I've given it my all. The race is six weeks away, and I need those six training weeks, or at least five of them. But I also want to show up to that starting line in good health and spirit.
Taking it day by day. I may be down in spirit right now, but I haven't lost my determination.