Last night's 5K was great. Yes, I was the slowest I've ever been. Yes, I was practically last. Yes, I felt some pains afterward I wish I hadn't. BUT. It was a beautiful night. I was able to run/walk the three miles (alternating 1-minute run/4-minute walk). And when I got home, I felt good about myself.
When people ask me why I like to run, it's hard to explain. But I felt something last night that I think sums it up pretty well: When I'm running, I don't feel 260 pounds. Even though it's hard for me to pick up my feet, even though I sweat profusely and have a hard time catching my breath after a bit, there's that moment when I'm running where I feel light as a feather. Like if I could just keep going, I'd take off and be free. When I'm running, I don't picture myself the way I look to the world. I think that's why it's so hard for me to see photos of myself running. I don't feel like a girl who is plodding. I feel like a girl who is flying.
Of course, I AM plodding. And I know I have to be careful about this love of mine. Running is not great for a person my weight. I must really work to take care of my hips, my knees, my ankles. I don't want to be sidelined forever. I had a scare last night when I thought I hurt my ankle. And immediately I pictured myself on crutches, hobbling to work, sitting on the couch and gaining more weight. I prayed all night that I wasn't injured. I need this. I need to be outside and walking and running when I can.
Something I've been meaning to do for years and never did: Compile some "before" and "after"s. Not like the one from my first blog post (which goes from heavy to lighter). This one is the opposite. Photos from my thinner days and photos of me now.
I just printed this out and I'll be putting it up in my apartment with the words "Who Do You Want to Be?"
Do you want to be that girl on the left, or the one on the right? The choice is yours.