Tuesday, January 6, 2015

The good, the bad and the new year

So sorry for the delay in writing -- the holidays, as you'll soon read, threw me for a loop. Once I was off my routine, things got ... hard.

But let's start with the GOOD.

I am still on a streak -- it has now been 69 days straight of walking. There were times during the four-day weekend and then the following three-day weekend when I didn't want to leave the apartment. Or I wanted to just go watch movies all day. Instead, I got in a mile in between a double feature on Christmas Eve, and then on Christmas Day, I walked the 1.5 miles to the theater. Then there were days in the last week of December when I worked till 11 or 11:30 p.m. three nights in a row -- but still managed to get in a mile afterward (once, in order to not miss the last train, I had to actually walk at midnight in my apartment gym).

My legs have been super tired recently. The good tired but still tired. There was one day (my scheduled Saturday long walk) when I had to scale back. I was scheduled to go 6 miles but I went 1 instead because I was having leg/knee pain. I don't want to screw this up, so I made myself cut back. But I'm feeling better and now trying to make my minimum walks either 1.5 or 2 miles instead of 1. There will likely be days I can do only 1, but I'm trying to make a conscious effort to walk longer when I can.

I've also started incorporating some strength training. It's been slow, but I'm trying to add one new exercise a day. I've got to build up strength in my legs (and eventually core) to help with the running and to help avoid injury.

OK, I know you're dying to hear the BAD. Schadenfreude and all.

I cracked. I fell off the wagon. I "cheated." However you want to put it. And it wasn't for just a day but for 10 days. It started on Christmas, when I had no idea what to eat for dinner and didn't want a frozen meal, so I defrosted a small baked rigatoni I had made in November. Eating all that pasta started the slide  -- I then ordered some churro bites at the movie theater (they had fewer calories than most stuff, but it started the sugar slide). 

Actually, now that I think about it, it started Christmas Eve. I stepped on the scale and I had gained. And I got mad. So I had hot dogs at dinner at the movie theater, which while in my calorie range were chock-full of sodium. Which made the scale go higher. Which made me say screw it, let's eat the rigatoni.

The day after Christmas, I got a "sharable" pizza from Cosi. And -- the most shameful thing -- I ate a box of chocolates. I had purchased it for my concierge for Christmas, but he had apparently taken the week off. And once I started thinking of those chocolates, I couldn't stop thinking of them. (Believe me, I'm sure this all will be a major part of therapy this week -- I haven't been for three weeks because of the holidays.) After that binge, it was just little things here and there -- two cookies at work, another two cookies at work, Chipotle with chips, gelato and, on Saturday, my last day of poor eating, a frozen pizza and cookies. It's insanely embarrassing to list these things, but I know it's important for me to move on. And, honestly, I know what drove a lot of it: I was mad at the scale and my lack of progress. I was alone. I was sad. And I started feeling frustrated that everyone else around me was eating all these great, rich foods and I wasn't. And once I slipped, I couldn't stop. It was like "This is my one chance! I've got to eat what I can!" Horrible.

But now for the NEW YEAR. 

Oddly (but very happily), I have not been beating myself up over the poor eating. Yes, I gained weight. Yes, I stopped a dieting streak that was nearly as long as the walking one. But it's done. And I refuse to allow that slip-up to stop this journey of mine. I want to do the Marine Corps Marathon. I want to run again. I want to wear a cute winter coat and scarf without sweating underneath because of my weight. 

So onward. 

308 days until the MCM: Walked 1 mile
307 days until the MCM: Walked 1 mile
306 days until the MCM: Walked 1 mile
305 days until the MCM: Walked 1.5 miles
304 days until the MCM: Walked 1.5 miles
303 days until the MCM: Walked 6 miles (with 8 bursts of jogging)
302 days until the MCM: Walked 1 mile
301 days until the MCM: Walked 1 mile
300 days until the MCM: Walked 1.5 miles
299 days until the MCM: Walked 2 miles
298 days until the MCM: Walked 3 miles
297 days until the MCM: Walked 1 mile
296 days until the MCM: Walked 1 mile
295 days until the MCM: Walked 2 miles
294 days until the MCM: Walked 2 miles

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