DNF

So much to write and so little time. I can't write much right now but I did want to update you. I feel pretty lame having a blog and never updating it....

So work has been out of control and I've been operating on little sleep. I've also been slacking in my training and eating very poorly. It's a cycle, I suppose, of stress and not running, which makes me gain weight, which makes me eat, which makes me gain more weight.

I went to Philadelphia this past weekend to run a half marathon with Greg and his family -- I signed up at the last minute and was just using it as a training run, but it's a favorite course of mine. Because it was a fallback week for mileage, I used my prayers the night before and the morning of for my friend Julie and Greg's sister, Amy, both of whom had been nursing injuries and were slated to run their longest races (Julie a marathon and Amy a half). I didn't think much of my own running....but I suppose I should have...

Before the race began, as I was stretching, I realized my calf was tender to the touch. And then, as I started running, it hurt. And it never stopped hurting. By mile 2, when it was still tight/hurting, I decided that if I was still feeling the pain by mile 4, I'd drop out (that's where the race loops around to the start/finish line...an easy out). It never let up. I dropped out.

I was upset but not too upset. I know I could have done the race if I had no other plans to run in the next month. But I didn't want to hurt myself for the marathon and I knew that if this was indeed a true training run, I would have stopped.

It still sucks, though, to not finish a race. Watching everyone finish. Watching folks walk by in their race shirts and medals. Realizing I spent $85 for nothing. But I am not wallowing, I swear. I'm moving on.

Thrillingly, both Julie and Amy did great, no, awesome in their races.

And now I try to focus on the next 33 days. I decided that, despite a schedule that is about to get even more hectic, I CANNOT allow myself to fall apart physically because of work. So I worked on my lessons last night, got to bed before midnight, got up at 6 a.m. to run and now am headed off to class. I have a book to proofread this week as well, but I'm going to try to get in even the smallest bit of exercise and/or stretching each day.

I feel better having run 3 miles before class. I hope I can keep it up. I also hope I can stop eating crap.

But I have to add this: My mom (hi Mom!) wants me to join NutriSystem because it's working for her and she thinks it will help me. But I truly believe it's not about the program you're using. People can throw ideas/diets/programs/etc. at me all day and none will stick if I don't have my mind in the right place. And only I can get my mind into that place where I'm ready to focus on this. I am trying. I swear. But for some reason, perhaps stress, perhaps fear, I am having trouble getting into that mindset. But I'm not giving up. Today is a new day.