Expectations vs. Reality

Yesterday, I woke up for my 16-mile run expecting it to be bad. After all, I hadn't slept much the whole week, was feeling rundown and feared I was getting sick.

I expected a rainy, cool day, and with that, no need for my normal bug spray spray-down.

Then I started running. Warmer than I thought. No rain yet. And I didn't feel awful.

The first person I saw greeted me with a huge smile and hello.

Steps into my run, I looked down only to find a perfect flower petal on the ground.

Things were looking up.

The big thing screaming in my brain during my run was "Sept. 30 is the last day I can defer my Marine Corps Marathon registration until next year." Would I have such a bad run that I would have to defer? Would it be so-so and therefore make me unsure what I should do? With each step, I wondered.

By Mile 11, the good run turned bad. I was feeling dizzy. Off. Couldn't catch my breath. Wondered if I had drank too much water and was about to die. Wondered if I was just getting sick. Oh, and then there were the bugs snacking on me here and there.

But the rain had held off, surprisingly.

Around Mile 13-14, I almost ate a big bug. Was in my mouth. I was able to spit him out.

I walked a lot of Mile 15. Actually didn't think I would make it one more step. My feet ached.

The rain started pouring down, making an already muddy trail more like a mud pit (at one point I actually felt a big blob of mud hit my upper calf.

At the start of Mile 16, I calculated to see where I was and where I needed to be time-wise. If I ran, I could make it in my "allotted" time. So I ran. And I whimpered as I ran. But as I pressed stop on my watch at the end of Mile 16, I had completed it on time (ish -- I admit I was over by 50-some seconds).

Of course, finishing 16 on time doesn't mean I can finish 20 on time (I honestly don't think I could have walked one more step).

I won't be deferring my registration. But that doesn't mean I'm confident. I'll try 20 or 22 next week and we'll see.

So, to sum up: flower petal, ate a bug, mud, aching feet.

And, I admit, one of the most poorly written blog entries of all time.

While I'm not as busy as last week, I'm still busy. But I've managed to get a bit organized today, have my clothes in the washing machine and am about to dive into my teaching work for the week once I get back from the grocery store.

This marathon thing....it looks so hopeless sometimes. I wish so bad I could get my act together. Only 26 days left until the big day and I'm bigger than ever and wondering what I've done to myself...

Maybe I just need some more sleep. Things may look better in the morning.

Except that I have to run and my shoes are still a muddy mess.

Oh, go take a nap, Diana.