Because I feel good right now. I've had some big bumps in the road over the past few days, but I'm handling them better than I typically do. And, at least at the moment, on this Saturday at 11 p.m., I feel calm and at peace.
If it's true that the diet is a factor, it's amazing how our minds and spirits react to bad foods versus good foods.
I think one reason I keep so busy is to avoid thinking about the bad stuff. Avoidance has been key in my life for as long as I can remember.
But this weekend, I've had small moments when I've thought -- "Why do you do [insert bad habit/behavior here]? What can you do about it? What kind of changes can you make to be a better person and someone people want to be around (not someone people avoid b/c of the negativity you exude)?
Last week, I had a moment when I asked a friend "Did so-and-so talk about me (at a recent gathering)?" She said no, but I didn't quite believe her. And then I realized: Are you doing something that makes you think they would be talking about you? And if the answer is yes, then you need to make changes to your life. If the answer is no, who cares? As long as you are happy with who you are, does it matter what other people say?
But I knew the answer was yes. That I have complained and whined and been a frustrating person to be around. For a long time now. And do I really want to continue down this path? Hell no.
So I need to make changes.
I need to be more disciplined in my life and make better use of my time, so I'm not as stressed. I need to give people the benefit of the doubt and remember that their lives are probably stressful too. But I also need to care about myself a whole lot more and remind myself that this moment will not come around again. Me living in D.C. with a slew of friends in the region. Me living in an area with running paths galore at my doorstep. Me relatively healthy and not tied to any one or any thing.
Now is the time.