Well, the past two weeks have been rough. Bad eating, bad depression, bad workouts due to shin splints/foot pain/you-name-it. One thing encouraged the other, and they all fed off one another.
For years now, I've tried to find the weight-loss approach that would work best for me. When I lost the 150 pounds, I did it using the cold-turkey approach. No bad foods. Ever. For two years, I never ate a cookie, a piece of cake, fast-food, real chips, etc. It worked for me. After the initial hardship of resisting temptations everywhere, I found myself not wanting them anymore. When I had my most successful weight-loss attempt since then (about three years ago), I used a different approach: I ate well five or six days of the week and then allowed myself a cheat day.
Since then, I've tried variations on the second approach. And what I'm finding is that it is just not working for me. Like the tired-old comparison of an alcoholic, if I slip just once, I fall hard. So I've decided to try cold-turkey again. I've written this mantra down: "One misstep and you will fail." I need some tough love. A tough approach.
The depression was a combination of many, many things. But I never felt worse than when I got ready to go work out. Every single item of workout clothing makes me look horrible. And with the warmer weather, I have fewer options, fewer ways to hide. It was so bad that, on Friday, as I was getting dressed for a spin class, I tried multiple outfits, then decided I couldn't be seen in any of them. So I didn't go.
On Saturday, the plan was to run 6 miles. But when I ran across the initial street to beat traffic, I discovered terrible pain in my left shin. No matter how slow I walked and how much I warmed up, whenever I tried to run, the pain would return. It brought me so very far down. I'd pass real runners and nearly cry. I just wanted to run. I just wanted to be one of them. And the old conflict of Fat Diana versus Running Diana occupied my entire walk. If I wanted to be the latter, I had to kick the former's butt.
So I begin a new week realizing that my summer calendar full of races (5Ks to 10Ks - I already had to ditch this weekend's Marine Corps Half Marathon) is at risk if I don't work hard at rehab and taking it slow. And getting some weight off. I've brought out the old exercise bands and am working on building strength in the front of my calf. I'll continue my normal workout routine, but I'll walk instead of run and I'll back off if anything hurts.
I also joined Weight Watchers online. Unfortunately, the diet has changed so much since I was last on it, I find it's terribly time-consuming trying to figure out Points. Hopefully it will get easier.
P.S. I bought a dress this weekend I absolutely love. It fits, oddly enough, even though it has a pencil skirt. It shows too much of my arms, but I still love it. I plan on thinking about that dress through this first week back. I want it to look fabulous and a little less tummy would be helpful.