The new approach - using the mantra "one slip and you will fail" - has been working very well. It's been a good week. I've stuck to the program perfectly and am feeling good.
And that's a good thing because, exercise-wise, I've got a big question mark hanging over me. My shin is no better today than it was a week ago, two weeks ago. I've been doing my rehab exercises and taking it easy - no running - but after a lot of walking yesterday, it has been sore to the touch. Epic fail. There are only two weeks till my first summer race and I really want to be able to run even a tiny part of it.
I am not backing down on exercise, though. I have continued my PowerCut classes and 3-mile walks, and I tried Step this week, which was awesome and didn't hurt the shin (that I'm aware of). I will attempt 6 miles tomorrow (walking only) but stop if the shin hurts. I don't think walking is hurting it, though perhaps speed walking is a bad thing. I'll stroll if I have to, but I really don't want to lose my mileage.
Am I doing the wrong thing? I don't know. I know that the last time I had serious shin splints, I was out of running for an entire year. I don't want to repeat that. It affects my mood, my weight, my everything. So I will keep rehabbing and try to start using a foam roller again.
Now a little side note: I'm somewhat addicted to watching the TV show "Say Yes to the Dress." Not full-on addicted. I don't tape it or anything. But if I'm bored and flipping channels, I might end up watching four or five episodes in a row. I don't know why I like it. I hate wedding shows. I fear being the girl who never gets married. Perhaps it's the fashion I love. That's what I keep telling myself.
Anyway, I was pleased that they started to show plus-size brides looking for dresses. They don't treat them like abnormalities and the dresses are just as lovely as the smaller ones. (I do, however, HATE the name they chose for the show: "Big Bliss." Why did they have to go there?)
I saw an episode last night that brought me to tears. The woman trying on dresses kept apologizing for her weight. As the stylist helped her take off a dress or helped her put on a dress, the bride-to-be would say, "I'm sorry I'm so fat." I wanted to grab her by the shoulders, look her in the eyes and tell her how beautiful she was and to stop apologizing.
But I know why I was crying. It was because it's what I used to say when I was 300 pounds. At the doctor's office. While getting a massage. I'd apologize for them having to touch me. I'd apologize on planes. At restaurants when I couldn't fit in a booth. It's sad that I can't practice what I preach. It's sad that I can see the beauty in others that I can't see in myself.
And you know what they say: No one's going to love you until you can love yourself.
I think I need to turn the channel.