Tuesday, March 5, 2013

2013/2003: Week 7

In my quest to re-lose the weight I took off in 2003-2005, I've decided to document each week, comparing life now (first post) with life 10 years ago (second post). My hope is that I can find the momentum that carried me through those two years by looking at what worked for me then.

WEEK 7: 2013 
Beginning Weight: 264.6
Last week's weight: 250.6
This week's weight: 252.8
Week 7's weight loss: +2.2
Total weight loss: 11.8

Ah, yes, a bad weight-gain. But I deserved it: I was horrid this past weekend. I went home to surprise my mom for her birthday, and it involved a long road trip with my sister and brother-in-law. I'm not blaming them a bit. It was totally my fault. I actually stuck to my plan the first day and didn't eat too much. But by Friday, I had cracked. Over the weekend, I ate ice cream, cake, Bojangles, a hamburger and fries. And then I came home and -- faced with mountains of work -- I ate more crap. On Monday, I bought jellybeans and ate most of the bag.

And, yes, I felt sick. Oh so sick. Disgustingly sick. Today, I was back to my delivered meals, though, it was much harder than I expected to get back on the wagon. I just didn't want to eat that kale and quinoa and those carrot sticks. I suppose my body must go through the sugar purge all over again. 

I'm not upset about it, even though I probably should be. It happened. I'm moving on. I enjoyed the cake and the Bojangles. I guess I do regret the jellybeans, though.

And, unfortunately x 2, the running has taken a backseat this week. I just had to accept that it wasn't going to be possible.

I took this week off work to get a proofreading assignment done (yes, I took vacation days to work). And though you'd think five full days would be plenty, it's not. All I do is read. And I'm so far from finishing, it's scary. Then I did something really stupid today and accepted another assignment. I actually cried when the woman emailed and asked if I wanted the job. I had turned her down the last time and didn't want to do it two times in a row. But I'm so tired.

I realize that I sound as if I'm falling apart. But, oddly, I feel OK. I realize I can only do what I can do. And I will continue this mission to figure out a way to work less and live more. I'm trying.

Week 7: 2003
Beginning Weight: 317
Last week's weight: 297.4
This week's weight: 294.2
Week 7's weight loss: 3.2
Total weight loss: 22.8

Published: 03/25/2003

I’ll never forget the day I discovered I wouldn’t fit into my graduation gown at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill.

It was a few weeks before Graduation Day, and two friends had stopped by my dorm room with their pale blue caps and gowns, eager to try them on. They slipped them on and twirled as I snapped their photo – then they asked if I wanted to give it a try.

I sure did.

But as soon as I slipped my arms into the sleeves, I knew it wasn’t going to fit. It was tight in the arms and it wouldn’t close. I suddenly felt nauseous. What was I going to do?

I faked it, smiled happily and slipped it right off without even trying to zip it. “I’ll wait until I get my own,” I said, shooing away the camera. When I finally got around to buying mine, I had to order the “plus-size” gown.

It was terribly embarrassing. I mean, it’s a full graduation gown – aren’t those things supposed to be one-size-fits-all?

Clothes – and my inability to fit into them – have always been an issue for me, for as long as I can remember. I was a young girl in elementary school when I learned that “one-size-fits-all” would never apply to me. As a youngster, I wore women’s sizes. As a woman, I wore plus sizes.

And I’ve worn a lot of black – ever since the day my mom told me the color was “slimming.” In fact, there are laundry days when the entire load is black. White, yellow, pink – the feminine colors I’ve always yearned to wear – were out of the question.

A few years ago, preparing to return to UNC for a journalism function, I bought a pretty blue floral dress for the garden reception. At the hotel, I put the dress on – then stood in front of the mirror in tears as I realized how horrible I looked and how much my large body would stand out in that pattern. For the first hour of the reception, I looked out of my hotel window at the people gathering with drinks below. I couldn’t move – I was too terrified.

My weight has stopped me many times from enjoying that one thing women love to do – shop. My role in high school was to accompany friends on shopping trips, help pick out fabulous outfits and wait outside the dressing room as they tried them on.

I’ve never once been able to experience the joy of clothes shopping for myself.

I’m looking forward to the day when I can walk into a store and not have to head to the plus-size section, when I can be normal-sized, when I can wear the cool, hip colors and patterns.

I’m taking it one pound at a time – and I’m happy to say I’m up to 22.8 pounds lost. I’m slowly starting to feel a difference in my clothes, which means they’ll soon be too big and I’ll have to head to the mall to replace them.

I won’t let it get me down.

Here’s another recipe I tried last week – and love. It’s another great way to get in those much-needed vegetables. One cup equals one point (for the Weight Watcher folks out there).

Cheesy Vegetable Soup
2 pounds of frozen veggies (California medley is good)
3 cans fat-free chicken broth
1 can of Rotel tomatoes
10 ounces Light Velveeta

Dump all ingredients in the pot and bring to a boil. Let simmer for 4-5 minutes. Add ounces of Light Velveeta in small pieces (to melt faster). When it’s melted in, you’re ready to eat.

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