Wednesday, November 26, 2014

That point when it gets hard ...

I'm still doing well -- still eating right, still walking.

But tonight I tried on a dress I ordered for Thanksgiving. And it was tight and looked so horrendous on me. I stared at my horrible body in the mirror and all of a sudden I didn't see the woman who has been working so hard, who has been walking every day, who has been eating all the right foods. I saw the woman I had become after years of not taking care of myself. And for a brief moment, I had that horrible thought of "Why bother?" Followed by a string of all the bad names I call myself in moments of self-pity.

Only I am determined to not dwell on it. I definitely feel sadder right now, heavier, disappointed. But I know the happiness I so desire isn't going to be found if I give up. I'll have to send the nifty Thanksgiving dress back (it had a fall leaf pattern that was so pretty). And wear something old.

And walk tomorrow, my 29th day.

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