Let me begin by saying that, despite my late work hours, I really do love being woken up by the sun at 5:40.
It helped me today.
Now let me back up.
Five years ago, when I was a much thinner little lady, I loved, loved, loved my gym: the WAC, or Wilmington Athletic Club. It was so awesome, and my favorite thing was the kickboxing class. I wasn't any good at it, but it gave me a great workout.
When I moved to South Hampton Roads, one of the first things I did was look for a gym that had kickboxing (with, ahem, bags; none of this kicking the air stuff). I couldn't find one at all. I even called personal boxing gyms but what they offered wasn't what I was looking for.
So I was thrilled when I discovered that The Gym Downtown (less than a block away from my new apartment) had actual punching bags and a boxing class. I decided to give it a whirl this morning. The class started at 6:30. I set my alarm for 6.
But the glorious sun woke me up at 5:40 and so I was able to arrive nice and early. Max (truly, it seems, one of the coolest personal trainers - though I will always love the YMCA's Carol Ann) put me on the treadmill since I was there early. Then the class, which was brutal and awesome. There were only three of us, which seems to be the norm, and we started by jumping rope, then did circuits of different jabs for a half hour. Then we did circuits of other brutal exercises (you should have seen me look at Max with wide eyes as he demonstrated stepping up on a bench that came to my upper, upper thigh and then demonstrated the modified pull-ups). But I succeeded, and he seemed impressed that this big girl could work out. He was extremely encouraging and the other two folks in the class were great, too.
So I signed up for this great (and relatively cheap, compared to the Y) gym. Though if this 6:30 schedule continues (and I actually really liked it), I foresee many afternoon naps in my future.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Day 5
It's amazing how the way a person treats you can make or break your day.
Remember the lady at the gym near my apartment who made me feel bad? Well, today I decided to try out another nearby gym, also less than a block away (why Norfolk has two private gyms in a one-block span I have no idea). I stopped in on my way to work, and the guy at the counter was so nice. I asked about the cost (it's cheaper!) and told him that his gym was appealing to me because it offers boxing with real bags. "Well, I teach that class!" he said. He told me the basics of the gym, how we'd set up goals and talk about what's worked in the past and what hasn't, etc. Before I left, he invited me to his Thursday class, smiled and shook my hand. Never once did he make me feel bad about how I looked. He never made me feel like his class would be too hard for me. He was welcoming and it made my day.
So, I do believe I'll be joining The Gym Downtown, and I'm excited about some of the classes it offers. Working out at home just isn't working for me (you know, having to compete for space with a mouse and all).
Remember the lady at the gym near my apartment who made me feel bad? Well, today I decided to try out another nearby gym, also less than a block away (why Norfolk has two private gyms in a one-block span I have no idea). I stopped in on my way to work, and the guy at the counter was so nice. I asked about the cost (it's cheaper!) and told him that his gym was appealing to me because it offers boxing with real bags. "Well, I teach that class!" he said. He told me the basics of the gym, how we'd set up goals and talk about what's worked in the past and what hasn't, etc. Before I left, he invited me to his Thursday class, smiled and shook my hand. Never once did he make me feel bad about how I looked. He never made me feel like his class would be too hard for me. He was welcoming and it made my day.
So, I do believe I'll be joining The Gym Downtown, and I'm excited about some of the classes it offers. Working out at home just isn't working for me (you know, having to compete for space with a mouse and all).
Monday, June 7, 2010
Oh what a day
It's been a bad day.
I decided to start the day by going out for my 30-minute jog/walk, as my training dictates. I thought that, on the way back, I'd pick up my mouse traps at PETA. Because of that, I decided to take a backpack and carry my wallet, keys, cell phone and a change of shirt.
Before starting my jog, I veered off to this new gym that sits two doors down from me. I just wanted to see how much it was to join. The cost isn't horrible ($45 a month, much cheaper than the YMCA) but the woman who showed me around made me feel horrible. Looking at me (and, yeah, I admit I looked really fat and awful in my running outfit), she asked if I could take the stairs. She made comments about working my way up in spin classes. Etc.
Then I started my jog. Almost at the halfway point and about to turn around, my backpack broke and my wallet and keys spilled out. I scooped them up and continued. Then I realized I should check for my cell phone. It wasn't there.
I proceeded to walk all the way back to my start, then back again to the turnaround. No phone. I scoured everywhere. I went to PETA, bought the traps and walked home, scouring as I went again. My 30-minute walk turned into 2 hours and 20 minutes and more than six miles.
So while it's good I got in a little more of a workout, I'm still pretty upset about the phone. It was time for a new one, yes, but I'm worried about my contact information and being able to keep my number. I keep calling it but no answer. I picture it in a bird's nest or at the bottom of a sewer playing "Chariots of Fire" to confused birds or rats.
Speaking of ... the trap hasn't worked yet. Half of me (still holed up in my bedroom) wants to catch it. The other half doesn't. I don't know how I'll pick that thing up and drive it to green pastures. He better be cute. I'm not a wimp but I'm not strong, either.
I haven't decided if I'm going to join that gym or not, but I was left today with the image of me in the gym mirrors looking worse than I have in forever. It was embarrassing. My summer running clothes just don't fit right and make me look even worse.
But onward I go. There's another gym steps away from my apartment (odd, huh?) and I may see how much it costs...and if the employees treat me better.
I decided to start the day by going out for my 30-minute jog/walk, as my training dictates. I thought that, on the way back, I'd pick up my mouse traps at PETA. Because of that, I decided to take a backpack and carry my wallet, keys, cell phone and a change of shirt.
Before starting my jog, I veered off to this new gym that sits two doors down from me. I just wanted to see how much it was to join. The cost isn't horrible ($45 a month, much cheaper than the YMCA) but the woman who showed me around made me feel horrible. Looking at me (and, yeah, I admit I looked really fat and awful in my running outfit), she asked if I could take the stairs. She made comments about working my way up in spin classes. Etc.
Then I started my jog. Almost at the halfway point and about to turn around, my backpack broke and my wallet and keys spilled out. I scooped them up and continued. Then I realized I should check for my cell phone. It wasn't there.
I proceeded to walk all the way back to my start, then back again to the turnaround. No phone. I scoured everywhere. I went to PETA, bought the traps and walked home, scouring as I went again. My 30-minute walk turned into 2 hours and 20 minutes and more than six miles.
So while it's good I got in a little more of a workout, I'm still pretty upset about the phone. It was time for a new one, yes, but I'm worried about my contact information and being able to keep my number. I keep calling it but no answer. I picture it in a bird's nest or at the bottom of a sewer playing "Chariots of Fire" to confused birds or rats.
Speaking of ... the trap hasn't worked yet. Half of me (still holed up in my bedroom) wants to catch it. The other half doesn't. I don't know how I'll pick that thing up and drive it to green pastures. He better be cute. I'm not a wimp but I'm not strong, either.
I haven't decided if I'm going to join that gym or not, but I was left today with the image of me in the gym mirrors looking worse than I have in forever. It was embarrassing. My summer running clothes just don't fit right and make me look even worse.
But onward I go. There's another gym steps away from my apartment (odd, huh?) and I may see how much it costs...and if the employees treat me better.
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Days 2 and 3
Well, Days 2 and 3 weren't as perfect as Day 1 but they weren't awful. I didn't "cheat," but I went over my points by a few. Today, the scale showed 215.8.
I made three big mistakes today as I resumed my training schedule:
1. I hit snooze.
2. I turned off snooze/the alarm.
3. I decided I didn't want to drive to First Landing because of my late start.
Getting a late start (out the door by 9 a.m., also known as 85 degrees) was because of my own laziness. I got plenty of sleep but decided I wanted more. I don't know if it was the heat or my obesity or my lack of exercise lately, but I could not run for long. I did the run/walk up until 2 miles or so and then ended up walking the rest. Toward the end of the seven miles, I tried to do some more running, but not much. I was exhausted and woozy. The heat did me in. I'm still feeling toasty and it's 12 hours later.
I also should have gone to First Landing. It's a much softer surface and it is shady. But, again, I was lazy and didn't want to drive out there. I need to recommit myself to going out there for my long runs because it's so much better for me.
As I was walking today, I thought about how my blog is pretty telling because when you don't see a post for a long time, it's usually because I've fallen off the wagon. So it was pretty funny to see my friend Julie's comment on my last post saying the same thing! It's true, I know. And I do want to commit myself to writing and to this training. I'm hoping now that I'm home with no trips planned and no big events in the works that I can get myself into a good schedule. The month of May really did me in.
A funny aside: I have discovered a new diet. It's called the Mouse Diet. You see, I have a mouse (or, heaven forbid, a rat) and ever since I saw the sucker, I have hunkered down in my bedroom with a towel under the door. Yes I am hiding from it until I can go buy a trap (humane trap, I hope). But in my bedroom, I have no access to snacks. Makes for a good way to avoid eating at night! Though let's hope this won't last long. I love, love, love my new apartment and can't believe this is happening. One of the big reasons I moved from my old apartment was because of bugs. Only to move and have rodents??
I made three big mistakes today as I resumed my training schedule:
1. I hit snooze.
2. I turned off snooze/the alarm.
3. I decided I didn't want to drive to First Landing because of my late start.
Getting a late start (out the door by 9 a.m., also known as 85 degrees) was because of my own laziness. I got plenty of sleep but decided I wanted more. I don't know if it was the heat or my obesity or my lack of exercise lately, but I could not run for long. I did the run/walk up until 2 miles or so and then ended up walking the rest. Toward the end of the seven miles, I tried to do some more running, but not much. I was exhausted and woozy. The heat did me in. I'm still feeling toasty and it's 12 hours later.
I also should have gone to First Landing. It's a much softer surface and it is shady. But, again, I was lazy and didn't want to drive out there. I need to recommit myself to going out there for my long runs because it's so much better for me.
As I was walking today, I thought about how my blog is pretty telling because when you don't see a post for a long time, it's usually because I've fallen off the wagon. So it was pretty funny to see my friend Julie's comment on my last post saying the same thing! It's true, I know. And I do want to commit myself to writing and to this training. I'm hoping now that I'm home with no trips planned and no big events in the works that I can get myself into a good schedule. The month of May really did me in.
A funny aside: I have discovered a new diet. It's called the Mouse Diet. You see, I have a mouse (or, heaven forbid, a rat) and ever since I saw the sucker, I have hunkered down in my bedroom with a towel under the door. Yes I am hiding from it until I can go buy a trap (humane trap, I hope). But in my bedroom, I have no access to snacks. Makes for a good way to avoid eating at night! Though let's hope this won't last long. I love, love, love my new apartment and can't believe this is happening. One of the big reasons I moved from my old apartment was because of bugs. Only to move and have rodents??
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Day 1
That sounds so funny to write - Day 1. But I made it through Day 1, and Day 1 was actually really hard for me (as most Day 1s are), so, yes, Day 1 deserves its own post.
I can't believe I'm back here again. Today's "settled" weight was 217, so I'm basically where I was in January. What a waste of all that effort.
For all the "woe is me" I did in the last post, I should update you on a few good things I did last week. I had signed up for two 5K races before my Pittsburgh trip, excited to have the chance to run in my hometown. I wasn't sure how successful I'd be or if I'd even do them both. But I did. And I had a great time.
The first one was on Saturday, an up-and-back course that was a very gradual decline on the way up and a very gradual (but noticeable) incline on the way back. I was slow, but it was great fun, as I had the chance to run with a childhood friend, who never abandoned me despite the fact I knew he could go much faster.
On Monday, I knew I was in trouble when I went to pick up my race bib number and I could barely make it up the hill (mountain) where the registration table was. The course was one big hill (mountain) after another. I knew the race would be hard (it was billed as a "challenging 5K") but I had no idea it would be THAT hard. But I walked it all and enjoyed making memories with my friend and his very cool family.
It was great to go back to where I grew up and run (OK, walk/shuffle/plod). Even better was the chance to share that with friends.
I can't believe I'm back here again. Today's "settled" weight was 217, so I'm basically where I was in January. What a waste of all that effort.
For all the "woe is me" I did in the last post, I should update you on a few good things I did last week. I had signed up for two 5K races before my Pittsburgh trip, excited to have the chance to run in my hometown. I wasn't sure how successful I'd be or if I'd even do them both. But I did. And I had a great time.
The first one was on Saturday, an up-and-back course that was a very gradual decline on the way up and a very gradual (but noticeable) incline on the way back. I was slow, but it was great fun, as I had the chance to run with a childhood friend, who never abandoned me despite the fact I knew he could go much faster.
On Monday, I knew I was in trouble when I went to pick up my race bib number and I could barely make it up the hill (mountain) where the registration table was. The course was one big hill (mountain) after another. I knew the race would be hard (it was billed as a "challenging 5K") but I had no idea it would be THAT hard. But I walked it all and enjoyed making memories with my friend and his very cool family.
It was great to go back to where I grew up and run (OK, walk/shuffle/plod). Even better was the chance to share that with friends.
Friday, June 4, 2010
Food-a-holic hits rock bottom
So much to write, I truly don't know where to begin.
I just returned from a trip to Pittsburgh, where I ate my way from one end of the city to the other. Picture Pac-Man eating all those little dots and cherries, except replace the dots and cherries with ice cream and fried-everything and you've got my trip. Except Pac-Man is much more attractive than I was on this trip.
I already looked bad, worse than I had in years. And once I decided I was not going to diet on this trip (kind of like I hadn't dieted this whole month), I proceeded to exhibit signs of an alcoholic. An alcoholic doesn't just drink one glass. No, he drinks bottles and bottles until he is drunk out of his mind. With my food addiction, I ate until I was sick. And then I ate some more.
Pathetic.
When I look back on the first three months of the year and how good I was and how frustrated I was with my slow weight loss, I want to scream at Old Me and say, "You're doing awesome. It's coming off and will keep coming off. You just have to stick with it and know that eventually you'll get there. The alternative is you GAIN and you don't want that."
(Yes, I know what some of you are thinking: "Diana, I DID scream those things at you! You just didn't listen!")
So instead of being at my goal weight this lovely June day, I am heavier than I was when I first weighed in back in January. Yep. And I officially did something I am incredibly ashamed of: I entered the sacred 100 pounds-lost territory I swore I never would enter. You see, back five years ago, I lost 150 pounds. I regained 50 pounds but swore I'd never enter those first 100 pounds lost. Today, I forced myself on to the scale. 220 pounds. It pains me to write that.
I am deeply ashamed.
As I sit here squinting out of eyes surrounded by face fat, I hate myself and what I've done to myself. I hate that my running has suffered and that I'm miles behind my running goals. I hate that I enter summertime that big, sweaty fat girl whose fat can be seen bulging from short-sleeve shirts and shorts.
Yes, today is a new day. Yes, I've said that countless times before. But, yes, I'm back and I will try again.
I just returned from a trip to Pittsburgh, where I ate my way from one end of the city to the other. Picture Pac-Man eating all those little dots and cherries, except replace the dots and cherries with ice cream and fried-everything and you've got my trip. Except Pac-Man is much more attractive than I was on this trip.
I already looked bad, worse than I had in years. And once I decided I was not going to diet on this trip (kind of like I hadn't dieted this whole month), I proceeded to exhibit signs of an alcoholic. An alcoholic doesn't just drink one glass. No, he drinks bottles and bottles until he is drunk out of his mind. With my food addiction, I ate until I was sick. And then I ate some more.
Pathetic.
When I look back on the first three months of the year and how good I was and how frustrated I was with my slow weight loss, I want to scream at Old Me and say, "You're doing awesome. It's coming off and will keep coming off. You just have to stick with it and know that eventually you'll get there. The alternative is you GAIN and you don't want that."
(Yes, I know what some of you are thinking: "Diana, I DID scream those things at you! You just didn't listen!")
So instead of being at my goal weight this lovely June day, I am heavier than I was when I first weighed in back in January. Yep. And I officially did something I am incredibly ashamed of: I entered the sacred 100 pounds-lost territory I swore I never would enter. You see, back five years ago, I lost 150 pounds. I regained 50 pounds but swore I'd never enter those first 100 pounds lost. Today, I forced myself on to the scale. 220 pounds. It pains me to write that.
I am deeply ashamed.
As I sit here squinting out of eyes surrounded by face fat, I hate myself and what I've done to myself. I hate that my running has suffered and that I'm miles behind my running goals. I hate that I enter summertime that big, sweaty fat girl whose fat can be seen bulging from short-sleeve shirts and shorts.
Yes, today is a new day. Yes, I've said that countless times before. But, yes, I'm back and I will try again.
Friday, May 21, 2010
Weight settled
After I begin a diet, I usually wait a few days to find out my "real" weight. The first weigh-in day (215 in my case) always will be higher than normal b/c of water weight and other factors so I just like to settle in first.
After two days of eating well (it's so hard to write that after having gone three months not too long ago), I'm at 207.4 (yeah, much better than 215 but, still, damage was done).
I'm in for a crazy week until I leave Thursday for Pittsburgh, and I hope, hope I can just concentrate on doing well in this week. I realize I won't be eating the best when I'm there, but I don't want to completely fall back. I'd like to be, well, normal and eat fun things but in moderation and while exercising. Will that ever be me? I hate this addiction I have.
Gotta get going, but I wanted to check in. Hope to get in a run today...
After two days of eating well (it's so hard to write that after having gone three months not too long ago), I'm at 207.4 (yeah, much better than 215 but, still, damage was done).
I'm in for a crazy week until I leave Thursday for Pittsburgh, and I hope, hope I can just concentrate on doing well in this week. I realize I won't be eating the best when I'm there, but I don't want to completely fall back. I'd like to be, well, normal and eat fun things but in moderation and while exercising. Will that ever be me? I hate this addiction I have.
Gotta get going, but I wanted to check in. Hope to get in a run today...
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
So helpful
On Friday, Greg asked if it would be OK if he didn't run Sunday's race. I didn't know if the question really was "we" but I answered by saying, sure, it's fine, but I still want to run it. I need it.
And I did.
I needed a kickstart back into my running routine. For two weeks, with the move and a proofreading job, I didn't run once and I didn't like where that was headed. I was pretty scared about how the race would go. I was sure I'd have to walk most of it, so I went to the website to make sure walkers were allowed. I checked last year's results to see the slowest time. I felt much better knowing that if I had to walk, I could walk.
It was a perfect day for a race. Cloudy, cool breeze.
And it was a perfect little race. At an elementary school (Peabody in D.C.) with lots of kids and families and dogs and not all serious runners with their perfect bodies. In other words, it wasn't an intimidating race.
I started in the back like I always do. And when I crossed the start mat, I told myself, just try to run the first mile.
Turned out, I was able to run 2.5 miles straight without stopping, and my three-mile time (37:14) was the best I've had since last fall. The next three miles were slower but I didn't walk much. There was a huge hill at the end, and I ran some of it. And as we hit the six-mile mark, with 0.2 left to go, I turned to the girl beside me who had stopped to walk and said "Let's finish together." So we ran to the end, and as I looked at my watch and saw that I could get under 1:20 if I just picked it up, I sprinted to the finish. Official time: 1:19:56.
It's not my best 10K, but it's not my worst one, either. And while I was insanely sore the next day (a "weekend warrior" sign that proves I haven't exercised a bit for weeks), the race did exactly what I prayed it would do: It let me know I still have the ability to run, that I haven't completely lost what I've worked for. So now it's time to use that as momentum to get moving on this training.
And that means facing reality weighing in for the first time since April. For one month, I've eaten horribly. Beyond horribly. And I know I have a trip to Pittsburgh in a week-and-a-half that will likely de-rail me again but I can't keep going this way. Nothing at all fits again. I basically took three months worth of hard work and dedication and flushed it away in one month.
Today's weigh in (and I wasn't going to post this but I need to be held accountable): 215.
So. I realize the damage I've done and how it could possibly make this marathon impossible yet again. But I'm not there yet. I'm still focused on trying again and am actually looking forward to the training now. That 10K helped me so very much.
And I did.
I needed a kickstart back into my running routine. For two weeks, with the move and a proofreading job, I didn't run once and I didn't like where that was headed. I was pretty scared about how the race would go. I was sure I'd have to walk most of it, so I went to the website to make sure walkers were allowed. I checked last year's results to see the slowest time. I felt much better knowing that if I had to walk, I could walk.
It was a perfect day for a race. Cloudy, cool breeze.
And it was a perfect little race. At an elementary school (Peabody in D.C.) with lots of kids and families and dogs and not all serious runners with their perfect bodies. In other words, it wasn't an intimidating race.
I started in the back like I always do. And when I crossed the start mat, I told myself, just try to run the first mile.
Turned out, I was able to run 2.5 miles straight without stopping, and my three-mile time (37:14) was the best I've had since last fall. The next three miles were slower but I didn't walk much. There was a huge hill at the end, and I ran some of it. And as we hit the six-mile mark, with 0.2 left to go, I turned to the girl beside me who had stopped to walk and said "Let's finish together." So we ran to the end, and as I looked at my watch and saw that I could get under 1:20 if I just picked it up, I sprinted to the finish. Official time: 1:19:56.
It's not my best 10K, but it's not my worst one, either. And while I was insanely sore the next day (a "weekend warrior" sign that proves I haven't exercised a bit for weeks), the race did exactly what I prayed it would do: It let me know I still have the ability to run, that I haven't completely lost what I've worked for. So now it's time to use that as momentum to get moving on this training.
And that means facing reality weighing in for the first time since April. For one month, I've eaten horribly. Beyond horribly. And I know I have a trip to Pittsburgh in a week-and-a-half that will likely de-rail me again but I can't keep going this way. Nothing at all fits again. I basically took three months worth of hard work and dedication and flushed it away in one month.
Today's weigh in (and I wasn't going to post this but I need to be held accountable): 215.
So. I realize the damage I've done and how it could possibly make this marathon impossible yet again. But I'm not there yet. I'm still focused on trying again and am actually looking forward to the training now. That 10K helped me so very much.
Friday, May 14, 2010
So fat
I'm so fat.
I have no clothes to wear again.
I have a race on Sunday and haven't run in more than two weeks.
No excuses. I'm so sorry.
I have no clothes to wear again.
I have a race on Sunday and haven't run in more than two weeks.
No excuses. I'm so sorry.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Packing up (and it on)
Forgive me again. I am buried under trying to pack up my apartment in three days (minus work hours), so I've been swamped. I haven't weighed in and I'm pretty sure I'm packing weight on as I pack the apartment up. I look forward to being settled again and focusing on other things, most especially taking care of this body.
The packing has had its ups: One precious gift I have sitting next to my laptop as we speak: An old, old clothing tag I found in a bag. Size 28.
So I try to remember where I came from and where I am now and celebrate that, but....
I have yet to pack up my spare room closet full of gorgeous clothes from my thinner days that I haven't worn in five years.
Nothing celebratory about that.
The packing has had its ups: One precious gift I have sitting next to my laptop as we speak: An old, old clothing tag I found in a bag. Size 28.
So I try to remember where I came from and where I am now and celebrate that, but....
I have yet to pack up my spare room closet full of gorgeous clothes from my thinner days that I haven't worn in five years.
Nothing celebratory about that.
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