Week 3 weigh-in

Beginning weight: 216
Last week's weight: 210
This week's weight: 208
This week's loss: 2 pounds
Total loss: 8 pounds
Left to lose: 42 pounds

But don't get too happy for me.

I admit I was pretty happy this morning to see that number finally go down a tad. My scale, however, is old-fashioned. I've had it since, well, forever. It's not digital. Not like the scale at the doctor's office that I stepped on moments after I stepped on my bathroom scale (with not even a drop of water digested in between). The doctor's scale had me more than four pounds heavier.

But I'm trying to remember that feeling I had this morning, the one that made me want to put on my running shoes and get out the door, perhaps even come home and do the workout DVD. That's what happens to me -- when I start to lose weight, I gather such momentum from it. But when I'm stuck or I see an awful number on the scale, my motivation is nonexistent.

Yesterday was really hard from me, as my blog post shows. I just couldn't get over wanting to eat, eat, eat. At one point, I grabbed the bag of cheddar rice cakes and sat in my La-Z-Boy. That's a big no-no right there. NEVER grab the bag. ALWAYS portion it out first. But I was feeling crappy and just wanted to grab it and flop down and stuff my face.

Luckily, I had a little more sense and I counted each and every rice cake that went into my mouth. I had three servings. I wrote down the number of points that meant. I stuck to my plan. Even if, for a second, I wanted to ditch it.

So I'm proud of myself. Made it through three weeks, which I haven't done in a long time.

Now for a little experiment, which I'm actually afraid to write down here because it means I will be held accountable to all of you. I'm going to try -- try, try, try -- to exercise in some capacity an hour a day for five days this week. I want to see what it does. I want to see if I have more energy (something I've been severely lacking lately). I want to see if the scale responds. It sounds pretty unrealistic, as I've been only exercising two-three times a week. But I'd like to try.

As a wise reader/friend reminds me, the mantra needs to be not "I think I can" but "I KNOW I can." I'll think of her as I lace up my running shoes and head out the door.

So hungry

{{ begin vent }}

I don't know what's wrong with me, but I have been so hungry this weekend. I suppose it's because I haven't had much to do, so I've been watching TV, which just makes me want to eat.

I also did a pre-weigh-in this morning and wanted to throw the scale (or eat it) when it showed that I'm the same weight. I don't think a miracle will happen between now and tomorrow, especially if this hunger continues.

Every commercial makes me hungrier. I want pizza and chocolate chip cookies and all-you-can-eat IHop pancakes.

I haven't eaten one bad thing in three weeks and I've stayed within my Weight Watcher points. Yet this lack of weight-loss makes me just want to give up. It's so frustrating.

{{ end vent }}

For the record

Can I just say for the record that I hate how slow I am these days? I just finished my 8-miler, and while it was two minutes better than last week's 8-miler, it was still really bad. My shins hurt and I had to walk most of it.

BUT, on a positive note, at least I covered the mileage. By mile two, with the soreness not going away, I thought I'd call it a day, chalk it up as a running attempt and go home to rest my shins. But then I realized that I wasn't in a hurry, it was a nice day out and I needed to at least walk the rest of it. So I did. I tried to walk fast, and I must have, since I didn't run as much as last week but had a better time.

Only three weeks or so until the 14K and I'm a little worried. I really, really need to do my leg exercises. Why am I so lazy about this?

Getting some advice from an old friend

That old friend? The 2003 Diana.

With my frustration growing as I don't feel like I've lost anything and all my clothes still feel tight, I decided to look back at my original Weight Watch diary to see how I felt in Week 3. Imagine my surprise when I discovered I FELT EXACTLY THE SAME WAY I FEEL TODAY.

Published: 02/25/2003
I was foolish this week.

I thought I had lost more weight than I had – then fell into a bit of a depression when I pulled out of my closet (and tried on) a brown blazer I hadn’t been able to button for about a year. Urrrrg! I still was far from fitting inside the bugger. I threw it to the floor (though I stopped myself from jumping up and down on it).

People keep asking me if I feel any different, if my clothes feel any better, but I haven’t been able to tell. While the dieting has gone very well (in three weeks, I’ve yet to eat more than I’m allotted), exercise is key and I haven’t been as good in that area.

Funny, huh? I have to remember that eventually the weight did drop. Eventually, that brown blazer became too big for me. Eventually, I got that body into a size 12. I've just got to keep at it and remember that it's going to take time.

Really. Frustrated.

I've got to get to work but I just needed to vent some frustration. Just now got dressed for work and not a thing fits...and everything even feels tighter. I'm very, very proud of myself for making it almost three weeks without digressing from my diet, but I'm starting to get to that "why bother?" point that screws me up so bad.

Believe me, I'm not saying I'm stopping. I realize that if I stop, I will very soon return to that 317-or-more-pound woman. But geez, I really wish I'd start to see some progress.

What a difference a year makes

That's what I said to my boyfriend this past weekend when he showed me photos he just got developed from an old camera. The pics were from February 2009 and were of me dressed for our Valentine's Day dinner.

Goodness. Thin face. Thinner arms. Wearing a dress I can't imagine wearing today. In less than a year, I had managed to gain 30-some pounds. It happened so fast. And it frustrates me so much.

Yesterday, my tight jeans were as tight as ever, so much that I couldn't wear them.

Maybe I should stop procrastinating by writing this blog entry and actually get outside for my run....

Temptations

Today at work, we had cake and cookies to celebrate two birthdays. Last week, we had a cookie cake to celebrate a birthday. And leftover goodies from a dessert party.

So I've decided to actually start keeping track of these temptations, for curiosity's sake (and because it always makes me feel better when I can make it through a shift without frosting on my face or cookie crumbs on my shirt).

To make it fun, I've posted a poll question on the right of this blog's home page, asking you how many days you think I'l be faced with these temptations. In June, I'll let you know what the number was.

(Oh, and how have I avoided the past two weeks' worth of work temptations? I don't even LOOK at what's over on the goody table. If I don't see it, it's not there -- even if I'm in earshot of the "mmmmms" and "sooo gooods.")

Weigh-in Day

Beginning weight: 216
Last week's weight: 212
This week's weight: 210
This week's loss: 2 pounds
Total loss: 6 pounds
Left to lose: 44 pounds

I dreaded getting on the scale this morning, and I couldn't figure out why. I've been doing great, right? Eating right, exercising again. Why should I dread the scale? But I did, and I guess it sensed my dread. I lost 2 pounds. I should be happy, and deep down I am. (Mostly happy I'm two weeks in and still on track.) But I'm also frustrated at what appears to be a much slower weight loss than I'm used to. If it's this slow now, what happens when I get to lower numbers, when it's even harder to lose?

Now I re-read the above paragraph -- from an outsider's point of view -- and I'm frustrated with myself for being frustrated (I told you this blog would be honest; this is unfiltered train of thought). Two pounds is what I aimed for and I should be thrilled. I should be even more thrilled that I've made it this far. And I KNOW I'm not working out as hard as I could; I'm certainly not shaking it up and trying new things to get my body moving.

So I enter Week 3 happy I'm still on track and ready to tackle new challenges (yes, like that workout DVD I still haven't tried and keep avoiding...)

Shin-a-rific

Yesterday I re-discovered that dedication to running I haven't had for months. Proof? I walked/ran two hours in a steady rain and 41 degree temps. Yes, it took me two hours to cover 8 miles. But in addition to re-discovering my dedication, I re-discovered my horrible shin pain.

So I didn't push it. But I still do worry a little about injuring myself to the point of being out of the game, and I can't do that. In the past, being out of running for months has made me gain incredible amounts of weight. And I've already just done that. Why, you ask, don't I just do some other form of exercise? I try and I've tried. It's just I'm more apt to do the exercises that I enjoy, and I enjoy running. I've got to work on my shin strengthening/flexing exercises, rest a bit and hope for the best. Oh, and keep with my healthful eating routine.

Which has gone well! Tomorrow will be two weeks, and that's incredible for me. Eating in D.C. was just fine. I packed some nice snacks and the only meal we ate out, I chose a gnocchi with vegetable sauce -- the sauce was literally hunks of tomato, squash and zucchini and was wonderful. I did splurge a bit and had a chai tea, but I still think I came in within my points allocation. We had skipped lunch (or I guess it was breakfast...I didn't finish my run until noon).

It was hard, though. The restaurant we ate at is quite good, and I wanted the traditional turkey burger and fries with a side of cranberry/walnut muffin. But I'm glad I chose well (at least I hope I chose well).

Hungry now, so I need some oatmeal before hitting the road to go home.

Another challenge....and more bad dreams

Yeah, so the bad dreams have continued all week and it's making my sleep very restless. I have no idea where it's all coming from, but in a way, the bad food dreams have helped me. Gets it out of my system.

The new challenge will be a visit to D.C. this weekend to see my boyfriend. I'm notorious for letting the dining-out meals be bad, so I need to be very careful. Luckily, I have gotten him addicted to Weight Watcher and Skinny Cow ice cream treats and Healthy Choice meals, so I do have healthy options!

I mapped out a schedule of my weight-loss goals, and the final goal of 166 puts me at the end of June (that's with a 2-pound weight loss every week, which, I know is not always possible). How I would love for this to work. I do feel more on track in my mind, right now, than I've been in the past year.

I also have to come to grips with the fact that 166 today, at age 35, will not be the 167 it was at age 30. I seem to have a much harder time with my stomach/hips these days and the distribution may not be to my liking. But....I'm getting ahead of myself. Not there yet!

Yesterday's 4 miles was good -- I don't believe I coughed once while running! (Though, yeah, some after.) I may be on my way to recovery. Let's hope I can continue on this better path....