Sunday, August 16, 2009

Harder than it sounds

So, if everyone was telling you to NOT run 12 miles today, you'd say, hooray!, right? Well, not me. Not today. My knee-to-ankle has been bothering me more than I'd like (it hurt during/after Friday's spin class, which is no good), and I know the proper thing to do is take some time off.

But the anxiety of doing so -- plus the fact that I REALLY love my long-run Sunday mornings -- is intense. I woke up earlier than ever this morning and thought, "Well, hey, I'm up! I might as well try..." only to start walking and realize it would be foolish to push it. The discomfort/stiffness/light pain is still there.

I see my deep-tissue massage lady tomorrow and hope she can give me some insight (the kind with a happy ending). Until then, I'll stretch, ice and roll my leg...and pray. Luckily, today was to be a "fall-back" distance, which means I'm not missing new training.

Now, I have to admit to a horrible thing. Last night. I ate. A bag. Of candy corn. I don't even really like candy corn. But I was at Walgreens and saw the display. I started craving it. I flipped over to see the Nutritional Information. I pondered. I walked away! Then I came across a second display. I didn't ponder as long. I bought a bag. Then on the way home I decided to not open it, to save it for friends at work. Then I really wanted to taste it. (I have no idea where this craving came from.) I decided to have one serving. No, too many calories. A half a serving. 11 pieces for 70 calories. I ate them. Then I ate dinner. Then I ate the rest of the bag.

And there, moment by moment, you see my problem with "just a little."

I was tempted, at that point, to say screw it and eat more food. Instead, I wrote down what I ate, the calories (860), the Weight Watchers points (16, I think; the slide rule doesn't go that far) and I went to bed. Technically, I still have 19 points left for the week (you're allotted bonus points so you can go over for "special" occasions -- like eating a bag of candy corn). But in reality, I do feel awful. I couldn't even make it a full week eating perfect.

So this left me with the dilemma of today: Depression over not being able to run, plus depression over last night's binge. Will it mean I end up binging at today's baby shower?

I decided to step on the scale early (I know, weigh-in day is not until Tuesday). I saw a big drop (I'm not revealing now because it may have been a fluke). That should be enough of a motivation to not eat at the shower. I hope. Baby showers do depress me a little. Long story.

OK, so I probably admitted a bit too much here, but I know it's part of the journey. Onward and upward...

1 comment:

  1. Hang in there, D! Everyone has moments like these.