I just got back from what I hoped would be a 3- or 4-mile run but turned out to be another 3-mile walk. This cold weather does a number on my already tight calves and they just wouldn't loosen up. Then some shin pain started and I freaked out.
I have an alternative to outdoor running/walking. But I'm terrified to use it.
I rejoined the YMCA on Friday. The last time I was a member, I took advantage of its classes (spinning and power cut) and loved it. I was heavy but not nearly what I am now. And while some trainers who didn't know me would look at me skeptically in class, like there was no way I could handle it, others were wonderful and helpful and encouraging.
Now I weigh more, and I've rejoined, and I'm ready to try again. But I really am scared. I'm scared of seeing myself reflected in those class mirrors. I'm scared of others seeing me and scoffing. I'm scared of the trainers who knew me when I was thinner being ashamed of what I've become.
This shame has also made me delay getting much-needed new running shoes. I'm ashamed to go to my favorite running store where they'll see me and what I've become.
During my walk today, I decided I would attempt tomorrow's 8:15 a.m. power cut class. And I made a plan to go to the running store later this week. I hope I will be brave enough to do it.