Monday, January 10, 2011


I just got back from what I hoped would be a 3- or 4-mile run but turned out to be another 3-mile walk. This cold weather does a number on my already tight calves and they just wouldn't loosen up. Then some shin pain started and I freaked out.

I have an alternative to outdoor running/walking. But I'm terrified to use it.

I rejoined the YMCA on Friday. The last time I was a member, I took advantage of its classes (spinning and power cut) and loved it. I was heavy but not nearly what I am now. And while some trainers who didn't know me would look at me skeptically in class, like there was no way I could handle it, others were wonderful and helpful and encouraging.

Now I weigh more, and I've rejoined, and I'm ready to try again. But I really am scared. I'm scared of seeing myself reflected in those class mirrors. I'm scared of others seeing me and scoffing. I'm scared of the trainers who knew me when I was thinner being ashamed of what I've become.

This shame has also made me delay getting much-needed new running shoes. I'm ashamed to go to my favorite running store where they'll see me and what I've become.

During my walk today, I decided I would attempt tomorrow's 8:15 a.m. power cut class. And I made a plan to go to the running store later this week. I hope I will be brave enough to do it.

1 comment:

  1. Hi Diana,

    A lecture and a pep talk. :)

    You already know what kind of running shoes you need, so buy them online if going to the store is an obstacle. If your shoes are out of date, it's not good for your calves and shins!

    And maybe it's just me (but I think you're the same kind of crazy): Eating right is the hard part. Exercise, especially getting to take classes and mix things up, is the fun part. Think of what a privilege it is to have the time and money to do this for yourself, and go have a blast! Just take the good classes, and avoid the trainers who don't treat people with respect.

    Good luck!!